I've been in this group longer than I've ever wanted to be. Yet I have to say that the supportive attitudes people have in this group have truly warmed my heart. I mean it. If you know me, I'm probably the most cynical person on the planet, still I am always cheered by the understanding attitudes by most of the people who post in this group.

Here is a list of what cheers me:

1. Men and women both sharing experiences and for the most part,portraying them in a non-sexist manner. The stereotype is that the woman is the refuser-victim and the man's the horndog cheater. It could really go either way! (Not really a source of excitement, but at least we know that behavior isn't always dependent on gender.). I have found that for men, they've felt relieved that women can be equally horny (for the lack of a better word).

2. We're sex-positive. Regardless of spiritual persuasion, or lack thereof, pretty much everyone agrees that the pursuit of consensual sexual intimacy is a right. We might not be able to get it with whom we choose, but we try!

3. We run interference when the Pollyannas and spammers on EP try to belittle a poster's experience or offer simplistic solutions when the poster has likely tried everything and is trying to work through a difficult situation.

4. We ask posters to flesh out the details, not merely to provide interesting reading material, but to help us get a sense of where the poster is at so that we can provide more nuanced help.

I've looked back on some of the comments I've received for my earlier stories I've written as well as read other people's stories. This has helped me understand how I got to the point where I was in my marriage. I realized that I help steer that boat just as much as my husband. My hope is that I and other people learn from our mistakes and be honest in our approach to resolving our problems.

I would think of more, but I need to get some rest - early morning tomorrow.

sweetbutterbiscuit sweetbutterbiscuit
41-45, F
4 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I'm kinda numb, I'm not financially ready to exit, but definitely have a plan and timeline in place. I don't think the H has really accepted our fate here. Not sure how he still thinks that a 6 year SM is ok. But apparently he thinks it is. I'm no longer angry with him about it, because honestly I no longer have any interest in having sex with him.

I just want to be done with this in the most civil, non threatening way as possible. I don't wish for either of us to be financially crippled or any further emotionally scarred. It's sad really ...

Thanks for your update.

Very interesting. Wondering how you are these days? Open marriage?

Hi, there,
I just read your experiences. Well, I can say that my husband is not a complete a-hole, like yours is. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Open marriage? At this point, that's what we can afford financially. Every now and then I get tempted and think, maybe we can make it work. He might be kind and pleasant, but he's just not interested in me as a person. He pretends, but he's just not. I bring up any topic and he's like, "What, I'm in a hurry." I can't wait until we can get our finances straight and split for good. What about you?

Sweet, couldn't agree more. Who would have thought that you could get this kind of support from total strangers, and learn so much along the way.
We have found friends who listen , understand and offer advice, without having to ruin friendships or relationships by talking to those we know too well.( and we don't have to fear that any secrets will get out , causing even more trouble ! )

Like you, SBB, I found this forum a blessing and a life saver. And still, four years on, I find so much wisdom, warmth and wit here! It ccontinues to enhance my life even though I've moved on.

"My hope is that I and other people learn from our mistakes and be honest in our approach to resolving our problems." I believe this realisation is GOLD! When you have this approach, you cannot fail. It will still hurt. You will still make mistakes. But you WILL move forward - in the best way for yourself. {{{hugs}}}