Reverting To Type.

You can see patterns of behaviour evolving over time. People change but also become true to their inner self over time.
I suppose as time has gone on I can see family traits emerging in my wife. I get along with her mother well and we have always had a good relationship. However, she is not a warm and affectionate person. She never hugs, in fact she seems to a phobia about any show of affection. She is a practical person, who will always help others. She will talk and listen and think of others so in this respect we get along well.
I can see my wife becoming more and more reserved, inhibited of love and affection. I am a warm person who needs love and contact. I have a high sex drive and need intimacy and love to play games and have fun. All this has died and become a routine.
So, do I stay or leave? It is my decision and one that is not easy to arrive at, can she change, is it me? All questions with no answer.
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4 Responses Jan 9, 2013

You have a lot of input here. Open, constant communication...this is difficult.

Only you know how much is too much. You have my thoughts and hope for whatever comes.

You would like her to become a warm inclusive enthusiastic intimate partner.

She would like you to become a cooler, distant, reserved, non-intimate partner.

Who's "right" ??????

The one who gets the most pissed off about the situation will eventually pull the plug on it. Might be you, might be her.


Tread your own path.

All she has to do is wait, and things become cooler, distant, reserved and non-intimate. Why would she pull the plug? Romance is a two way street. If he wants it and can't get it, he'll have to be the one to pull the plug.

Who gives a **** 'who' pulls the plug on a dysfunctional situation ?
As long as some-one does.
None the less, you are right, it is invariably the more dis-satisfied spouse that ends up pulling the plug, and that spouse is invariably the refused.

Marriage is something worth fighting for, and so few do anymore. You don't actually know that that's what she wants. Talk to HER.

Have you told her how you feel?

Maybe seeing a marriage councelor would help. It may be hard to get to the root of her issue on your own. Women I think tend to have trouble coming out with what's bothering us.

You're welcome. I wish you both the best. =]

There is one truth. Nothing will ever change if you don't address it. Make a plan and move forward. It is all any of us can do. I will give you the wise words of my therapist. Change will be hard but the life you have now is hard. Change will only be hard for a little while, the life you have now will be hard forever.