34567 Members

I was member no. 7354. Sept 2009. There's a lot of it going on. Is this epidemic?
Nestpa Nestpa
66-70, M
3 Responses Jan 9, 2013

If there was such a thing as "the internet" when I was 21, it would have been an awakening for me. Unfortunately, "back then" .... our world consist of the walls inside our marriages. No where to run to .. no one to talk to back then. Now we are older and wiser and more embedded into the relationships financially and emotionallty. This is the daily struggle, the life I want to step out of. You had the courage and dignity to have done so.

That's it, isn't it. Not knowing how to give in a relationship. Intimacy aversion is another name for ILIASM... but it's not just about not knowing how to give, it's also about not knowing how to receive as well. Many refusers just simply were not equipped in their early years to see giving and receiving as important people skills. their parents a are like they are and their children will be like they are....... sad.

The cautious sceptic in me starts thinking, well it's under-reported anyway, easy access to the internet is growing rapidly, and loads of people don't join who might be in that category. So growth in membership doesn't imply an epidemic in numbers.

I suspect it's pretty common (as in single digits to low-teens %) - a huge number of people, and we know from accounts here how rarely people admit it IRL, let alone making it here, signing up, and joining the board.

My feeling - and that's all it is - is that the numbers will be growing because of the increase in autonomy-extremism and a "blistering sense of entitlement" that has been foist on the population (by commerce, politicians and ideologs), and they've swallowed it - despite it being disastrous for long-term happiness. The notion that one might have to work to accomodate another person's needs seems alien. That this is disastrous for long-term cooperative relationships is obvious (whether this manifests in sex or not).

My hope is though, because this site predominates in search results, its reasonable assertive tone will start to have influence in the wider community. I would like people to feel able to expose this disaster to the light of day, and have it reviled for the nightmare it is.