Expectations

Living with someone in love requires compromise. You 'both' should be in a comfortable place, equally loved, equally discussed. Sounds like she's not budging much by your comments. This will only lead to resentment. Work on it together. Love each other.

Those are unreal expectations. She is just being selfish and immature. Your relationship is going to get worse. What will it take for you to wake up?

Several folks I've heard mention a book about "love languages". Have not read it myself but from what I gather, it says that people express love differently. Some require actions, signs of devotion, some require words, others require physicality. These things fill our individual "I am loved" tanks. And when the tankv isn't getting filled, well its not a satisfying love. Sounds like may have different love styles. Perhaps the book can offer some objectivity perspective on the struggles facing both of you. Best wishes.

How long have you been married, Knight? Are children involved here? After reading her list, it seems to me that her demands and expectations are unreasonable. There are some women who get nothing ... and have come to expect nothing and yet function at high levels (not that this is right either.) I do not know what she considers love - but love is something you do ... it is a verb (a doing word.) Take it from me, do not stay bitter because you are going to miss out on many precious things. It is not what you had hoped for or even prepare for but it has happened and you have to find a way to deal with it, for your own good and welfare. Your situation can make you cold as ice but do not let it.

Well knight, I read your story too, but not enough time to read all the responses. I will say this as a man who has been married 34 years and is 56 years old. My wife is like yours. I have tried to focus on her needs all 34 years, as have my daughters, and her. Everyone is focused on her needs because when they are not met, the whole worlds suffers. My needs? Not even part of any equation. I hate to say it, but unless she sees the unfairness in all this, you can resign yourself to a frustrating life. My problem is my daughters love her, and in a twisted way, I do too, like I do my sisters. And the sex? Well the burden (if that is the right word) of seduction is entirely mine, because I am the only one who cares whether sex occurs or not. She simply has no interest, and at this point, even though I have a healthy and strong interest, I have given up. I wish you the best.

Wow!!! That is some messed up situation. I get where you're coming from and I'm kinda in the same boat. Our partners have so much expectations from us and walk around feeling entitled to you fulfilling those expectations. It should be both ways. You both should expect from each other and you both have to fulfill each other's needs. Sounds like she's being selfish, which I know all to well. You were right to walk out. She can't just dump a grocery list on your lap and not expect for you to throw one back at her. If she thinks that by you just being with her is gonna make you happy and you should just settle for that, she's highly mistaken.

My advice is to leave while you're young, get rid of that bitterness and get ready for the next relationship where you can feel equal in. I'm 26 as well and I feel so resentful towards this relationship I can't seem to get out of fast enough. We're not supposed to be bitter in our 20's, that's insanity. Untrap yourself and move on, however, if you feel it can work somehow then do stay if you feel there's a glimpse of hope in your relationship. If not, it's time to make some changes.

I suspect you already know that without a wonderful sexual "chemistry" it ain't gonna happen. Sex between spouses etc. can help us re-realize why we were in love to begin with. Where is the line between being stingy with sex and being just stingy? Marriage needs generosity.There has always been a discrepancy of desire in our marriage but,it has not been static. It has flip-flopped many times over the last 45 years and I admit when she wanted sex and I didn't it thrilled me to say "No". Yes I was an ***. Finally I decided that I did not want to live a life cut-off from desire. A wonderful way to hear "not tonight dear" is with her addendum "but let me give you a hand with that". Too great an inequality of desire may mean you two just aren't the right match. Good luck brother.

Oh boy~ 26 years old. I'm 44 and my biggest regret is not leaving sooner. Kids or not my advice is to leave now. I stayed for the kids and just got buried deeper and deeper to where it now seems almost impossible to leave. I also realized I'm not doing my kids any favors. I'm only teaching them how to live in a dysfunctional marriage and be miserable. I carry the burden of being responsible for everything in this marriage (personal and professional) believe me you don't want that for yourself.

was my story helpful 2 u knight?

knight...i share your pain...i left my 1st marriage 17 years ago because she didn't support my dreams of becoming a screenplay writer....and this def affected our sex life....lol...one morning i woke up and said, "i want a divorce." ...she replied, "You're crazy!"...i told her "I have never been more sane in my entire life!"6 years later, i met the most beautiful girl in world online in a chat room....a Cuban American girl with a heart of gold...she enjoys reading my screenplays...supports most every decision i make, and our sex life is STRATOSPHERIC!so if you have 2 make a choice 2 be happy, remember my story...one good decision changes everything")

Wow... Your only 26? I am 21, and reading this I would have guessed you were more like 40 by the way your describing your marriage. I agree, she must be REALLY hot because I really don't know why else she would think she's the only thing that matters. If love should be enough for you, than why should'nt it be for her? Talk about reverse double standards!!! I consider myself a pretty attractive girl, but in a relationship your partner should always be equal to you. It kind of sounds like she's super comfortable belittling you, and thats a problem. We all have needs but she cant expect you to handle EVERYTHING!? Yes we all like to be treated like queens but a real woman will remember that no matter what we're still adults and have responsibilities too! Just because you happen to have a penis doesn't mean you should be picking up all the slack... When you guys got married you made vows to EACH other, not you to her.

I am sorry but this is very funny.Your wife is either very shallow to make such statements without feeling it is rediculous or she was mad at you about something and did not know what she was talking or maybe wanted to irritate you and show you that you do not treat her right and she feels that the marriage is unfair from her perspective which is funny too because she impose double standards- she is a woman, therefore, she may make sex whenever she wants but if you refuse her it will be unfair; she can save her money but if you refuse her to spend your it is unfair and so on. Just it is funny and irritating at the same time.

Wow! How old is she? 12? She must be really hot, because I can't think of any other reason why you or anyone else to put up with that, or why she would think anyone would put up with that. She needs to be knocked off her high horse. Truth! Okay...so it is true that sex is very emotional for women. In other words, if a woman is angry or unsatisfied with their partner emotionally, you can forget about sex. More Truth! She is desirous of the relationship being almost entirely one-sided. I would definitely not ask for sex from her anymore and would occasionally throw in the comment about how you think this person is really hot or that person is very attractive. Change up the game. She thinks you need her. You're still young. You don't need her. Refrain from having an affair, but do flirt with other women when you're with her. In order to be happy, you're gonna have to do one of two things....either leave her and find a woman who appreciates you or administer her the big dose of humility she so desperately needs by showing her she isn't the princess to be worshipped that she thinks she is.

Knightinbrokenarmor,
lija30 comments are promising.
You must take control of this marriage by speaking assertively to her expectations. Marriage is a partnership. You share responsibilities. You serve each other. You set goals together. You serve each other. You spend time together and then alone. You serve each other. Your wife is NOT the CEO of your partnership, CEO's run corporations. Marriage is a commitment towards needs-meeting until the death of one or both partners. When one partner fails to meet the expectations of the marriage, then there is a breach of contract. A breach of contract in legal terms means that the failing partner has become negligent and can be sued to dissolve the partnership. Get this! Don't let your conscious run your partnership. Apart from emotions, make your decision about your couple. Then, hold a meeting and discuss the options with your partner. Can she meet YOUR EXPECTATIONS? THE MARRIAGE'S EXPECTATIONS? Will you continue to meet her expectations? If the answer to any of the above is no, then you have a breach of contract.
http://apostlelockley.blogspot.com/ and author of Before I Say I Do

Life is too short to be unhappy. If you are satisfied with the effort you have put into it to change things for you to be happy, and it hasnt worked, leave. After all, with what has been said, is a complete 100% loving healthy sexual relationship possible with her.

Your response should have been... "HEY! That's MY answer! :-)" Seriously though if she thinks a marriage is you waiting hand and foot on her and her thinking she shouldn't have to do anything she has UNREAL expectations and based on her answers alone is a selfish, self absorbed, immature person who does not know what a relationship is. What you should do his come up with your own list of expectations and tell her if these aren't expectations she's willing to accept and happily meet then there's no point in continuing this relationship and you need to find a grown up who appreciates your qualities and she needs to find a sugar daddy that will tolerate her b.s. Of course that won't happen if she's not willing to perform when and how he wants.

Dump her. I'd have left my relationship a long time ago if I could have and actually if i get this job I've been interviewing for I WILL. Life is too short to be miserable so early in life. Cut your losses.

You're addicted to sex. My husband is, too. He began asking me for it, talking about it, asking why I wouldn't even during times I literally was battling with hypothyroidism, he was wanting it. I told him to go look for it somewhere else. I love my husband but I am no longer in love with him because he has turned sex into an obligation for me. That is what you've done for your wife. Her bills are probably your bills too and your just not willing to admit that on here. I would leave her just to give her a break from all your demands. If you want sex from someone who will give it to you because you make them then maybe getting a hooker every once in a while would help, better yet, go get counseling.

I think you know what you should do. If she isn't willing to be an adult with respect for you and sit down and talk about the issues "expectations", then why are you still hanging around. It sounds like a one way street, her way or the highway. I would always choose the highway based on my history of similar marriages. I am much better without them and the misery of expectation. Without both sides being willing to sit down and talk things out and really both work on the marriage, then what marriage is there to be worked out?

She is not worth your time. Get out and don't waste anymore of your time.

Don't just walk out. Get in the car and keep going. What a selfish C**t

Leave. Now.

Sorry you are finding yourself in this situation. Never feels good to not be appreciated. In my heart of hearts I believe love is so much more than gifts, vacations and money. I hope you find the relationship everyone deserves.

You're 26-get out now. I am already in my thirties, have a 2 year old son, and still stuck-2013 is the time for change-u deserve more

Dear Knightinbrokenarmor, my heart goes out to you becos my situation is so similar, and for me its almost like i don't feel worth it enough to leave-its a mindset that the people that claim to love us-put us in-but in my experience i think is more about control. I have been in this for 8 years, and the question I am asking myself is can I put up with it for another 8 - because what has actually changed? Perhaps this question may be useful

Get in your car and drive away. Permanently. No matter the other side, its not going to work. Can't imagine why you are still with her.

Your wife is cheating on you or you have failed to see whats going on. She is using sex as a weapon against you, and this is normally what happens when the man stops having expectations of his wife. I suggest that you tell her straight up how you feel and put her back in a womans place. Women always do this kind of game after marriage because they feel like they are doing everything and don't want to submit to you. I suggest you cut the cable off if she is a house wife because the women channels on tv just fuel this kind of behavoir. Now that men want different things sexually some of these woman are just too lazy and unattractive to do it. They blame everything but themselves for how things turned out. I think its wrong to use sex against the man unless he is totally not worth the time. You need to man up and get to the bottom of this and stop letting her treat you like a child. Have some expectations out of her, if she don't do her hair let her know that if she did something to her nappy head then maybe you would give into some of her expectations. Maybe if she did some or even half of the things you wanted then she would get more out of you. Also let her know that she doesnt have to threaten you either with no sex because if she is not going to communicate you on how to make things better then you will be sleeping with someone else. Don't beg her .......dont give in to her mess.....be strong .........and let her know who is daddy in the house............

Wow. That's definitely not a give and take relationship. Sounds like you deserve better

That's total and utter bullshii!t . Talk about narcissism .. Tell her when did marriage become one sided. Please her and do for her treat her like a queen. Wtf I mean yeah being pampered is fun but if it's not reciprocated then what's the point..

Some of the responses below would probably have touched the points like whether was she like this before marriage... I feel your anger and frustration, you try to do you best to give and give and just hope she'll recipocate in return... saying things like "I'm your wife and I love you" may be "reassuring"... perhaps you should ask the feeling of love to be transform into an act of love. If she wants gift buy her "Making Love" by Dr Gary Chapman highlight parts that you felt important to you... If you have read this book you'll know what I meant :) If she even remotely loves you, one would hope she make some adjustments to accomodate that. Otherwise, cut your losses you're too young to be married anyway.

Okay you are me in the reverse. Except I was blindsided by the whole sex thing - that was good until a while ago. I pay all the bills, do all the work, and get no sex. It's no fun. But I am 43 and have two small kids. I hate to tell another person what to do, but if you can, get out. And if you can't, go find a couple women who will **** your brains out every chance you get and don't feel guilty about it.