Sex, Marriage Improving

Well we had s-x last night....disappointing again though. The previous time was about 3 weeks ago. The last time she stopped half-way through and said she wasn't in the mood. This time she said (after I gave her oral, then doggy, thencowgirl) that she didn't think she would have an ****** and that she wanted me to come quickly. After I was done she said she was glad we did it, like she was checking something off of a list. The actual s-x was about 10 minutes...I could have gone much longer, but she was not feeling it.

I am glad that we are not fighting so much, she changed her medication (for insomnia and bi-polar II), she is seeing a therapist and I am attending AA. I don't know if we can heal this relationship though.

By the way, she admitted to her therapist that she knows she is a *****...ah....self awareness.

I sometimes fantasize about moving into a crappy trailerpark or studio apartment and being away from her.

I will not give up hope, our relationship is less bad than before...

I will continue to stick with AA, be a decent person and do my fair share of housework and parenting. Drinking to make marriage tolerable was making it worse.

Just rambling I guess....crap sex with no desire from your partner doesn't really help much. I think I place too much responsibility for my own happiness on how others (her) treat me.
maj7flt5 maj7flt5
36-40, M
5 Responses Jan 9, 2013

Congratulations on your continued sobriety.

Not throwing you under the bus here, but is it possible that your behaviours (pre sobriety) caused some mighty big rifts in the union that try as she might, she can't forgive, and is punishing you on some ongoing indefinite basis ??

Anyhoo, that is a potential "why" her behaviour is as it is, but in reality, it doesn't help anything. Her appalling behaviour is appalling behaviour, whatever the causative "why" might be.

Any interest in sticking around with someone exhibiting appalling behaviour ?

No ? Might be timely to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to see how a divorce would shake out for you.

Tread your own path.

Good heavens, she is a ***** isn't she?? How horrid. You know, if she's capable of treating you like this, it probably isn't getting any better is it? You want to stop this now, or wait till you're crying in the pillow after every sorry little crumb she throws you? (The bitter voice of experience mate)
Good going with AA - and keep looking after yourself!! Maybe a trailer park is in your future, but that may not be so bad. Keep your options open and make some plans x

Im a womam, but i think i like sex more than most men. So when i read this, i find it comfising how someone cant get an ******. Maybe you focus on having sex alot more but only on her terms. So just play out her fantasys and let her focus on the fun. Just tell her you will not *** until she does. Make time for sex everyday, just like food.

I have been in your shoes. I wasn't a drunk but definately drank more than i should to manage the pain of my marriage.

The problem you face is that altough she is having sex with you she is clearly displaying that she is not into you.

Somethings got to give as her sexual act wont keep up for long if she is not into you. Perhaps now is a good time to start planning your exit strategy.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Ah the bitter sweet sensation of pity sex.
I hope through your journey it elevates above 'disappointing'.