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And Now It Gets Ugly

STBX and I have been working on our divorce. Or, more honestly, I have been working on it while he pretends it is not happening. We have a house that we have been renting out and our renter gave notice that Dec. would be his last month. Perfect, we have an empty house. STBX told me he would be moving out this week. I was ecstatic! I think we can get along, but not while we are under the same roof. Well, he took note of my happiness and informed me today that he would not be moving after all. He then proceeded to tell me that in order to save money we needed a do it yourself divorce. I informed him that I had already hired and payed for my attorney and was not going to fire him. We went round and round for about half an hour. STBX telling me I didn't need a lawyer and me saying I already had one. He finally demanded that I sign some papers he had drawn up without consulting my lawyer. When I refused it sent STBX into a rage. He actually threw some things across the room. He accused me of trying to rip him off even though we have not even discussed money yet. He stills asks me to pretend like we are a normal couple in public because he has not yet informed his family of our plans. Yep, we are going to be in for the long haul.
Today I saw my therapist and told him about how I have begun to explore my sexual nature outside of my marriage. I said it as a confession since I am not yet divorced. My wonderful therapist said to me, "That is STBX talking. You do not need to apologize for making yourself happy." I really needed to hear that today. So, despite the upcoming sh*tstorm, I feel amazingly positive today. I am not going to do the job of criticizing me for him.
Maleficent77 Maleficent77 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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: Maleficent77, keep the Lawyer. It's not possible to complete that process with just the 2 of you. Good luck.

Not taking any side. I would be reluctant to sign any papers that your attorney prepared,also would not sign anything he drew up for you to sign. Tell him to get an attorney or live with that choice.

You are 100% right, he should look out for his own interests. The problem is that he is trying to control me instead of dealing with the reality of the divorce. When he gets mad he talks about an attorney. He sees it as a threat against me instead of a completely reasonable thing to do.

I will tell you my opinion judging only form your point of view as i only now heard your part of the story and not him and to make right judgment i always believe to hear both sides, I also dont know why you reached this level and you want divorce

anyway judging from his actions which you mentioned i think he doesn't want a divorce yet. i think we wants to keep you

well i dont know what else to say

I hope you both can find peace in your lives

Of course he wants to keep her. Who else is going to cook, clean, look after the children, and take his abusive nature?

I think you may want to read Maleficent's back story to better understand the true situation. Comments like yours are pretty ignorant. Obviously you "dont know why you reached this level and you want divorce" if you haven't even bothered to read the rest of the story.

thanks zsuz, I know you understand what is happening here

man, I know he doesn't want a divorce, he flat out told me so. However, he also has no interest in improving our marriage. He wants me to be a nice little wifey and give me nothing in return. The funny thing is I used to feel bad for him because he has no ability to cope when things don't go his way. Now I'm just done.

Man7337, you are a hypocrite. Your groups tell us you are lonely in your marriage, want to find someone to be close to and that you have joined the "I am single" group. From these groups (and others)_ on your profile, I deduce you are not happily married.

Yet you feel entitled to come onto this forum (to which you do NOT belong - according to your groups) and criticise someone else who is in a bad marriage. Did you do that because she is a WOMAN?

are you ignorant enna30 or trying to be ???

May you point in what point i criticized her ???? or is ignorance that rules your brain

gender doesn't matter to be.why would i do this to she because she is a woman

on contrary i didn't take a side of her situation.or may be you have something against men cuz u hate men and consider them all ******** because you had bad experience with one

whats the groups i am joined in has anything to do with what i said
i am alone or not doesnt make any difference because i havent take a side in her fight with her husband

last thing this is not your forum nor you ancestors home, this free area where everyone express their opinion in totally free way without oppression

you dont like this , leave this forum

if it wasnt meant to be allowed for commentary for every story they would made stories secret and cant be seen or they didnt allow commentary from beginning

I hope you understand

1 More Response

Oh hon, I am sorry for what you are going through, and you are doing all the right things. Keep safe. If you fear for your safety you can ask your legal advice about restraining orders and such.

He's angry that you are not under his control. Too bad for him.

I'm glad this ended on a positive note, though! Keep your head up.

judging from what read in most of your most comments i think you have opinion that all men bad and the women are the only right part in every quarrel

I would say the exact same thing to a man whose female companion treated him as wrongly as Maleficent's spouse has treated her.

Sigh! Another person with a "gender fetish"!!!

maleficent: re read your last sentence. YES!!!! powerful.

as to stbx wanting you to sign papers w/o consulting an atty--that's a true WTF moment. frankly if i were you ? ask your atty what you cando to "force" stbx to move in to the other house. cite this most recent episode of stbx yelling(?), intimidating you, trying to force you to sign papers w/o benefit of counsel, etc. get it all on record.

hope it improves for you. meanwhile, stay strong. xo

Is divorce mediation an option in your jurisdiction? He may be discouraged by the large costs associated with dueling attorneys. You could easily rack up about $10K+ each for an adversarial approach. Compare that to $3-5K combined if you mediate.

mediation only works when neither party is adversarial or obstructive. it could easily rack up a large bill *before* atty fees. think hard before offering this option as it sounds your stbx will put up blocks wherever he can, running his own agenda. sign NOTHING. everything goes thru your atty.

I am figuring that you and your lawyer have not set out to dud your spouse, and that what you have offered up is fair and reasonable.

He can save some money by simply signing off on what you offered - but nooooo, he ain't going to do that.

It would appear that you are going to have to pump this forward. He is likely going to empty the gun at you in a rear guard action, via obstructive tactics, interspersed with some leg clinging and begging, and back to non co-operation.

Although there still are some legal and financial ties between you - at this time - he is in reality, an irrelevance in your life at this time. You'd do no harm in - respectfully - treating him as such. Get some practice at running YOUR agenda (as the "we" here has long gone - if it was ever there) now, in preparation for YOUR life in the future.

Tread your own path.