My First Post

How did this happen? I used to be sexually attractive. My husband desired me, as well as other men. My husband has a jealousy streak that irritates the crap out of me. For a while, i begun to despise my husband. It was then that i gained nearly 80lbs over a two year period. Now that I'm fatty, and I'm unattractive, he isn't jealous anymore. I suppose he believes that he doesn't want to have sex with me, why would anybody else?

I can't determine weather or not I'm over analyzing things with my scientific way of thinking, or if this just is the way that i will forever live my passion.

I miss the times of great sex with past lovers, three come to mind, immediately. Of course,I was 20 then, I could land anyone I wanted, male or female, or both at the same time.

Sometimes I miss the arousal that I once had. Now, the only arousal that I get is from the internet. Even if i try to have sex with my husband, its not the same. He doesn't touch me the same. He doesn't look at me during sex. There's no fondling, no hot and heavy making out. No, throwing me on the bed, and he doesn't like his back getting scratched, no slapping on the face, no choking, no name calling,all of those things that i used to enjoy, but i can't now.
I can't because the person that i married lasts about three minutes, he doesn't even let me know when he will climax so i can try to do the same, at the same time. Not to mention that he doesn't like any of that freaky stuff that I used to do.
Oh yeah, and i weigh about 80 more pounds than b4 so i think I'm totally gross looking. Im sure he thinks so too.

And you know what? He and i never had a good sexual relationship..ever. We just got married because I was pregnant. 5years, and i miss being attracted to someone, attractive to someone, i miss having someone to snuggle with so close that neither of us moved ALL night.

Thx for letting me vent
athena2116 athena2116
31-35, F
9 Responses Jan 10, 2013

That does not work, if you do not like the relationship you are in you either leave it or fix it. It seems as if your relationship cannot be helped as it never was good to begin with, you committed to this relationship for the wrong reasons no wonder you are not getting what you want. There is no point in staying, one could argue that it is important for the child but trust me its even worse if you stay in a bad relationship.

This is your life, you are young and you still have all the time in the world to do what you truly want! do not let someone mess it up cause you've only got one life and you don't want to end up old with regrets of not doing what you truly desired. If I was in your position I would end the marriage and start going with my own life, start eating healthy and exercising even though I'm sure you're still attractive, get my own place to take care of my child half time then go out, socialize and meet some new interesting men that Id really want to commit to. This might all be far fetched but dammit I do not want to see another person wasting there life, always follow your true feelings

hey am sorry for u but please do not be frustrated try to loose weight and to find a work do much sport and contact people u will feel good remember always better days are coming :) best of luck

I used to feel the way you do, then I filed for divorce. I have lost 10 pounds since I filed. And even though I'm still heavy, men have been flirting with me when I go out. When I look in the mirror I no longer look tired and old. It's amazing what happiness can do.

(fyi - choking is very dangerous)

Oh I forgot: one more thing I always post: that insane jealousy is a sign of EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Please check out this page for help for you and your child:

"Now that I'm fatty, and I'm unattractive, he isn't jealous anymore. "

I think you've got some things mixed up here. You keep repeating this statement, almost as if you wish it were true.

First of all, you married someone you were not completely compatible with, because you found yourself pregnant.

This is compounded by the fact that he ignores your needs in bed, and only takes what he wants from the situation (not sure if youve actually tried to discuss the issue).

So you feel trapped. What do you do? You try to match your outward appearance to how you FEEL. You may be overeating to numb your pain as well.

Trust me, there ARE men out there who WOULD find you attractive 80 lb heavier. In fact, your gaining weight to "hide" isn't even working that well, as he is STILL having sex with you (what I get from your story).

Here's the problem: you have a child. You likely married this man to protect that child. But that child is WATCHING YOU. That child UNDERSTANDS that mommy is NOT happy, likely that daddy is also not happy. That child SEES how you numb yourself with food. You are EDUCATING your CHILD to be DYSFUNCTIONAL.

You need to start taking care of YOURSELF, work towards being AUTHENTIC again, to save both YOURSELF and your child.

I get that you feel trapped. But you are not. You are still very young. You can still get some self counselling to sort yourself out. You can try couples counselling to see if there is anything worth saving in your marriage. You can go to a lawyer to see how a separation/divorce would shake out, because knowledge is power (and first visits are often free). You can get employment or education to start the process of moving on.

We have ALL made mistakes on this forum. I put it to you that it's not a sin to make the mistake, the sin is STAYING rather than learning and moving on to the next thing.

Good luck.

Yes get your figure back. My Wife did the same and put on a lot of weight. No it does not turn us on. I am sorry.

You miss the point. I think she WANTS him to NOT find her attractive, as she is NOT pleased that he ignores her sexual needs.

Kind of defeating the objective? Confused

Reread the story: she married him because she was pregnant, but she does NOT like sex with him. She also wants to avoid his jealous rages, so she tries to look unattractive to others.

Losing weight would open her up to both those problems, possibly.

Maybe you need to focus on your own wife, why do you think SHE has put on weight? And maybe you need to realize why YOU might have a problem with it.

She gave birth to twins but has her figure back now. Sounds like a lot of overthinking to me. Don't love the Guy Leave. Overweight is not anyone elses fault. Usual Cause is the hole at the top of the body takes in more than it needs. Why with women is it always someone elses fault?

1 More Response

Well get attracted to your self. Start working out. Go for jog and love your self. one you do that trust me you will get all the love that you are missing back in no time. LOVE YOUR SELF.

I feel your pain. I gained weight while being depressed when my hubby was gonna marry another woman. he didn't end up marrying her but the damage was already done.

one step at a time.

try spark people to get healthier.

Love yourself today,. tell yourself that you are beautiful adn vivacious. even if you don't believe it, say it to yourself a dozen times everyday.

Welcome to the swamp Sister A.

You could do worse than brew a fresh pot of coffee and sit down for a few hours reading stories here. Bet you find "your" story written by someone else pretty early on in the piece.

Tread your own path.