Thank You All

I am surprised that so many people are going throught almost the same as me thank you for your replies.
I am not alone any more thanks guys.

Its not rite that I go to bed when I am not tierd just to make her feel I am asleep and will not try anything.

I am being asked by her folkes to set a date for the wedding.

She says she still loves me and its her but will not go and get help for her libido.

5 years is such a long time without sex.

I will always put my daughter first but do feel shame when I get frustrated and debate with my partner about my feelings loudly.

Some times I go to bed at the same time as my partner thinking may be tonight, but after 5 years who am I trying to kid.

I work with the public and in 5 years I have had offers to stray but never have.

Oh what a mess
craig01 craig01
41-45, M
6 Responses Jan 11, 2013

I agree with Enna on this one.
Honesty not only with her but yourself as well.
Explain the whole truth of your feelings and tell her YOUR expectations on a relationship.
However she decides she wants to go from there is a her decision. If she doesn't take steps to work on it, then you should take steps to find someone more compatible

Thank you all for your thoughts.

"She says she still loves me and its her but will not go and get help for her libido."

Of course not, why should she? She is not suffering. She is getting everything she wants out of the arrangement.

By your age you should know that you cannot live your life just to please your family. And if they knew the truth, how many of them would tell you to run, run, fast as you can?

Actually, you ARE alone, as it applies to your relationship in any event. That's the whole problem.

But you are alone right along with the rest of us in this group, so in that sense you are "not on your own".

Are you getting some value out of the group in the short time you've been here ?

Tread your own path.

"Some times I go to bed at the same time as my partner thinking may be tonight, but after 5 years who am I trying to kid."

Yep. Sometimes I just roll over to face her and she blurts out her excuse for rejection before I've even spoken or made a move to instigate. Quite upsetting when all I wanted to do was kiss her goodnight with no sexual expectation.

You are clearly sexually incompatible as a couple. She might even be asexual. Do NOT marry this woman. 5 years? How about 10? 20?

Think about your options...

Craig, marriage to this woman would seriously compound the problem. It would not be in anyone's best interests for you to add to your misery IMO.

If her family want you to marry her, tell them you have some serious issues to resolve before that can happen. Be sure to advise your fiance that this is what you are going to say. It would be passive aggressive to blind-side her with this.

If the family want details. . . . tell them to ask their daughter (sister, etc.). And tell her that you expect her to be honest with them . . . !!