Raise The Level Of Discourse. Please.

As the newbie here, I'm still reveling in finding like-minded people. Perhaps some of you can relate to going through life thinking something was very wrong with you. I have been impressed by the sincerity of expression here. People that know me directly would certainly not say I'm passive. But in this forum, among peers that do enjoy physical intimacy, I have appreciated the many expressions of support and understanding. They have all inspired me to - just be me and seek more out of life. Holding a woman and all that may evolve no longer seem out of reach or weird. You guys have given me hope, and well beyond that a renewed excitement!

I am the one who mentioned 'women are emotional creatures compared to men' and guess what, the regulars here jumped down my throat for stereotyping and now, making fun of my comments which is not very nice. But your story has proven my point.

Unfortunately, this is the internet and a public forum and you have to accept the good, the bad and the ugly. We cannot dictate how other people (men or women) conduct themselves on a public forum. The way I see it, everyone is entitled to his / her 'subjective' opinions. You dont have to agree or take on board everything they said. Take the offensive comments with a BIG pinch of salt.

There is a group 'I am a woman in a sexless marriage' with no gender overlap.

"casting aspersions on one gender or stereotyping and making sweeping generalized statements helps NO ONE. "

...Remember kids, always hate people as unique individuals...;)

I suspect you include me as an offender, so I will tone it down, smithy8015. But I dare say I have not been none of combative, confrontational, or angry. I do firmly believe (with 7+ billion humans) that for each dysfunctional couple represented here, there are several others who have about the same quality and quantity of root and the same respective libidos, and yet whose marriages are not nearly falling apart, but possibly quite healthy. I have anecdotal evidence of this. So I was trying to ponder what distinguishes me from other starved men whose starvation does not turn into misery. And the answer I got was, as I said in my story, compassion, a sense of humor, and a total absence of shame or judgment about male and female sexuality (which, I just mentioned in passing, are vastly different), by both partners. If you consider this unfair stereotyping, I am afraid I do not have a solution. Also, the general opinion seems to be my level of discourse is sufficiently high.

I don't think whether or not I'm offended by something is a good guide, and in any case, who am I to say. In any case, I'm not offended by much.

What I am more concerned about - and probably this is your point really? - is whether contributions are cognisant of the poster's situation and are intended to help (if they want help).

So the posts I would challenge are the ones that are clearly out of rapport with the poster and that are reflecting a position that could not easily map to the poster's needs (though even there, I recall one to Awake that she managed to derive value from).

I do support the board having a moral tone, by which I mean that the SM is a harmful disaster and so any expressions that comes from carelessness, ignorance, moral certainty, prejudice, ideology, or trite truisms - are harmful, and I will speak out to challenge them.

As you do. Thank you.

Oh Bazzar , i am suprised at your response!
I do think that it is too easy to generalize , or take sides when you have been hurt by the opposite sex.
i haven't looked into it, but i wonder if those in the gay community are as quick to jump/ dump on the sex of the one who has hurt them so deep?
I don't fight for a particular side , i just look at things from a human perspective.
We all speak from our own frame of refence , and if all we know is pain , it's very easy to blame the opposite sex ............i guess.

Ah you chicks are just too emotional. ALL chicks are like that. Look. 6 responders so far, all emotional mind changing chicks.
Get back into the kitchen and leave the real world to us blokes, who are ALL wonderful and know whats best.

I haven't noticed the aggression but the "men are like this, women are like that" stuff is really tiresome. Figuring out your own personal problems is a big enough challenge---trying to argue your problems are indicative of some essential truth about humankind is not useful to anyone. It's just too simplistic, not to mention inaccurate, to make sweeping generalizations about gender and sexuality, and personally, I find it offensive in the same way I'd find a generalization about someone based on their religion, ethnicity or skin color.

For quite awhile i have noticed a very combative mood here in our group..so I rarely respond any more..and so I am very very selective when it comes to posting any comment.
I don't know why, but previously here in the ILSMG, we were much more respectful and supportive of one another..perhaps there is so much negativity going on in the world, that people are just loosing their composure very easily. They are stressed out.

Good point Smithy. We are (in almost all cases) susceptible to being sarcastic, rude or cutting when someone posts something we don't agree with.

Everyone will respond in their own way but it is helpful to be reminded that courtesy is a quality to be highly valued. Be glad you were not part of this group when it was an "accepted" position that personal abuse and vicious personal attack were somehow acceptable - or even desirable! We are very fortunate that this has disappeared over the last few months.

In the same vein, I am currently seeking to widen the viewpoint and outlook of this group (as a whole) to other "solutions" to sexless marriages. Whilst I am firmly convinced that for almost everyone here the only REAL way forward is going to be though a new start, I still believe it behoves us to consider the potential for a few people to resolve their situations by using methods that don't work for the majority of us.

Looking at these situations with an opern mind cannot hurt any of us - even if it simply convinces us more surely that we are on the right path!!