It's Not Sexless But It Is Not Good.

Well I work on a drilling rig for 2 weeks and then home for two weeks but sex is just something that i have to beg for and luck if we do it once while I'm home. So i need a young wwomens input plz. She says she jusy doesn't like it. I know i have given her ******* and even multiple but she was abused as a child and just hates sex. Idk the details of her abuse but I know she had some damage to her **** during birth of our beautiful duaghter. She says ever since then my **** hurts her sometime she will let me finger her to start and that helps but she hates ************, sex, oral, erotic messages... I've tryed lots of thing romance ect... Does she know hormone pills to increase her sex drive or is their more I can do?
jarrod6996 jarrod6996
22-25, M
6 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Okay...She needs to hear that she cannot avoid this issue. If she is serious about keeping the marriage alive she needs counseling in order to process the trauma. She needs to basically figure out it's ok for it to be pleasurable, it doesn't mean she's dirty or that she wanted to be sexually abused as a child.

If she was abused by a relative, then the more she feels close to you, the scarier it can be to have sex with you.

Having a flashback to abuse while making love is common to those who've been through it. There were times when my STBX didn't say no...so we did, and then afterward I felt utterly filthy some of the time.

Suggestions for you? Make love in BRIGHT light. Spend a lot of time just holding her, cuddling her, and touching her, in and out of the sack. Remind her that you love her and she is safe now. Use some sort of scent(lightly) in the bedroom. Ask her if there's positions that help her feel safer-like on top.

Either I didn't explain myself or ur don't understand. This is not something that has happens over night.

<p>&nbsp;<p><p>Join the dots here buddy.</p><p>At one time she was fully functioning sexually and capable of ****** with you.</p><p>Now, that capability has "vanished" and a clitoral injury from way back when has emerged that was not there before, or there is substance to the claim that your **** has suddenly enlarged since those days of active sex</p><p>You are "out of town" half the time.</p><p>Join the dots however you choose, but I would suggest to you that she functions sexually just fine whilst you are out on the drilling rig.</p><p>Tread your own path.</p><p></p>

It is just possible that, if she had stitches agter the delivery of the baby, that there is some pulling or scarring that causes discomfort,. This is something else she needs to discuss with her doctor.

With any physical problem, the person must go to a doctor to get checked out. If she has suffered abuse in the past, could be that the baby triggered PTSD or other psychological issues. Either way, physical or psychological, her willingness to seek help for herself to save her marriage will let you know how seriously she takes being married to you.

Most have utmost sympathy with psychological or physical issues, but most people won't - and should NOT - spend THEIR whole lives denying THEMSELVES intimacy if their partners won't go and get help.

You are going to have some hard decisions to make.

Our daughter is 2 now... It's not her pelvis its her insides she says I'm too big bit I think ur right its just a ba excuse to avoid sex becuase he has no desire for it.