No More Love And Connection Anymore....


I've been married almost 14 years now. I have two wonderful kids (girls, 9 and 7). They are my life and I'm beginning to feel my girls are the best Blessing that was brought to my marriage. My husband and I physically stay in the same household but emotionally are miles apart. I've lost my best friend and my love of my life. Should I remain in the marriage just for my girls???

Falling apart...

An Ep User An EP User
5 Responses Jan 12, 2013

I'm sorry for your situation, and the stay/leave for the sake of the kids is a complex one, and one that only you can make. I would encourage finding out facts rather than conjecture to escape catastrophising.

One thing that does bother me somewhat though, is that you are understandably focusing on your daughters, possibly in a somewhat idealised way (or saying "they are my life"). Please give yourself high priority, and express your needs and self authentically - that is a great example to the kids and allows them to grow as individuals in their own right. And for sure, the SM has a way of battering our own sense of self, which needs to be recovered. For the benefit of us and the people around us.

No back story to put this into context, so I will just ask you to think on this. -

there are two ways to look at this
1 - do you stay for the sake of the girls ?
2 - do you leave for the sake of the girls ?

Staying, and continuing to expose the girls to a relationship (that is bad enough for you to be considering leaving) is not necessarily in their best interests. Or yours.

Tread your own path.

only you can make that decision. only you will be dealing with the result of your actions and in-actions. And so, to sort that out, you need to think about the real consequences in detail.
You also need to consider what other options you have. before you shut the door on the marriage, it is in your best interest to make sure you tried everything. Life after divorce is not easy. There will be hardships for everyone in the family. And so the hardship has to be worth while. And only you know if that hardship is really worth it

Staying for the kids has been endlessly debated on this forum - a quick search should yield many examples.

For my part, I have two small children and am separated. Being the child of divorced parents, I know for my part that my life STARTED once the tension in the house dissipated on THEIR separation. I also do not want my children to view the dysfunctional marriage as something to which they should aspire. I want to give them a good role model for marriage, and that should, IMHO, include intimacy, among other aspects.

If mom is not happy, kids know. If dad is not happy, kids know. If the house is tense, kids know.

No easy answer to that one. Each situation is different. Good luck to you.