Where Are The Sex People?

I moved away 3 months ago to a new city from my dead sexless marriage. I gave much time and thought to this. I even begged him to read my postings on this board. He refused.

Fast forward to now. I cannot meet anyone available. I am fairly good looking, trim, and outgoing. I am told I have a "wonderful personality". I do not need a man for financial gain. I need a man to tenderly love on me. However, every single guy I meet has a wife. One guy even told me that he is in a completely sexless marriage but plans to remain that way due to appearances and he is Catholic. His wife is a one of the neighborhood tennis moms. I shut that down immediately. I have had 2 single guys refuse me but I am over that. Both were previously married and have sworn off women. One of them I could have completely flipped over because he dripped sex appeal. Both also talked non stop about their exes. I was not into hearing about it. I live in a neighborhood that is full of married couples with children. The husbands keep asking me where my husband is. When I tell them I do not have one they get a funny look on their face, almost like they know their wife will not want them talking to me. I also assume that I must look married because a neighbor came over to ask if he could borrow my husbands step ladder (it is mine).

I am thinking about coming to the meet up I have read about on here in Nashville in the spring. Surely, someone nice will be there????
HAR1978 HAR1978
46-50, F
11 Responses Jan 12, 2013

i cant wait reading your posts ...come baby lets go on bed ...!!!!

common i want to have sex with you i love sex a lot dear....!!!

Add me!

HAR, Personal experience/opinion only: You aren't ready. We pull things into our orbit subconsciously by putting out energy that tells the rest of the world what we expect, want and will accept. You aren't getting what you say you want because you aren't healed enough yet. Sit with your pain. That's hard and sometimes we just want a salve to help dampen the pain. But feel it, experience it, grieve all of it - even the fact that you aren't having the relationships you want yet. That is something to grieve.

This gets better but it won't until you let it. To let it you have to sit with it.

Part of the reason that I live in married suburbia is that I have kiddos. I got a great price on a house (foreclosure) and I felt it was a wonderful environment for the children. I am lucky that I have a great career and can afford all of this (but I also shop second hand stores and sales which makes a great difference!) I can stretch a dollar like nobody's mother. I could never afford a safe and decent environment for my children inside a larger city. I also drive a large suv which I believe says "married mom" when people see it. That said, we do live in one of the largest cities in the USA, just the married couples, boring and big box suburbia part of it!

Well, presumably you would step away from a guy who asks to borrow your husband's step-ladder even if he wasn't married? Sexist pig! Every woman should own their own step ladder in their own right, married or not, along with the right power tools and hand tools. Sexy! :)

I'm sure you will do all right in the end. If it was only a matter of sex to you then you wouldn't be asking the question. There are those irritating details such as morals, standards, dignity, self-respect, getting in the way. But if that is a crucial part of your functioning, so be it.

Meeting the right person when multiple criteria are involved is mostly a matter of timing and luck but you can try to make luck work for you. Think diversely. Moving to moms and pops-ville is a handicap you could probably have done without but if it is a nice civilised area, I get the reason why, did very much the same sort of thing myself. However, I have entertained the notion of throwing it all in and moving to apartment-land. Wouldn't have as much need for a step-ladder if nothing else. I've also entertained working in a female predominant environment although I am mindful of the advice that you should never **** on your own doorstep. The Internet dating thing seems as if it should be like taking a thirsty camel to a wadi but frankly I have just found it all rather weird and then some, with bells on. I've found shopping in supermarkets, out of office hours, an interesting experience at times, seeing some women dressed to the nines to buy their plain white sliced bread and ready to heat, only for one, ready meals and cat food, but as I can't be bothered dressing in evening wear for the weekly supermarket run I ain't exactly doing myself any favours as such. Mind you dressing in a bow tie and cummerbund while pushing a trolley around Tesco or Asda might be interesting just to watch sort of reaction I might get.

I quite like the idea, if you are serious and focused, of seeing opportunities where there might not usually be one and that can be helped, I believe, by being warm-hearted in your everyday demeanour, trying to not look sullen and even to have just a bit of a smile about your face and being willing to have an inconsequential discussion with anyone about anything might always open opportunities.

But you still need that bit of luck and a bit of determination or the luck won't come your way at all.

I live in a similar neighborhood, and that keeps me safe and far from potential affairs (and, alas, legislates that I tack on a sardonic smile most mornings). If that really sucks for you, then you need to hang out in, or relocate to, more, um, fertile territory. Coastal big cities are the greatest in that regard. Although I am not looking for dates or affairs, I find the evening social life in NYC and San Francisco much more enriching. But must you be in a tearing hurry about this? Three months isn't enough to register oneself in most communities.

Dating agency? Personal column in local paper? Speed dating locally? I live in a very small town but there are plenty of possibility if one wants to... My single friends constantly dating...


You crack me up. At least you got me laughing! And you are right, I am looking for more than a one night stand. I guess it will hopefully someday show up in my orbit, but for now I am one horny babe!

Hi Bazzar,

Yes I am still moving forward. It is just really hard for me to meet people. You gave me some good advice about not chasing anyone and I have taken that to heart. But damn it gets hard to be celibate. I mean I have literally been celibate for years due to marriage. However, I am thinking finding a lover is like finding a needle in a haystack. Any advice send it my way :)

I would bet, that under my 'expert' tutoridge (!!!!!!), I could come over there and take you out and get you set up with a root with some dude within 2 hours of hitting the streets.

But that ain't what you want, really, is it.

I am projecting a personal bias here - but I believe one is best served being your authentic self and seeing what that attracts into your orbit. Active pursuit, I believe, runs the risk of one seeing what they want to see in another person, and the qualities you think (or "see") being there ain't necessarily there.

Anyway, if your environment is not conducive to supplying what you need, then maybe just like a dysfunctional marriage, it needs to be left, and a new environment sought.

This appears to be a stright re-run of your 24th November 2011 story.

That one attracted a lot of diverse comment. Did nothing resonate ?

Tread your own path.