Birthday Bore

So it was my wifes birthday I took her out arranged for kids to stay at parents so we can have the house to ourselves. The whole meal we're flirting she tells me what she wants to do to me making mega horny. We get home to empty house I make her a cuppa give her her present. She starts playing with me : ). Fiveminutes later she stops saying let's wait till we go upstairs. Now that to me means she's gonna fall asleep on couch. What a surprise she's asleep and im left with blueballs feeling like **** as usual.

Next day she can tell I was a bit annoyed she tells me oh there's always tonight because my kids were away for weekend. I told her I don't mind not having sex ( since I'm used to her rejecting me all the time) but I do mind when she teases me all the time making me think it's finally gonna happen and then nothing. Don't make me expect it and I won't.

So last night I took her out again we got home same thing she's making me play with her than the same thing let's wait till we get upstairs and again she falls asleep.

I'm so confused it's not just the sex I keep feeling so **** afterwards. Knowing we have the house to ourselves and she is just perfectly happy to sleep at like 9 o'clock in evening. Im sick of talking to her about it she knows it's causing strain on our relationship and doesn't care. I don't wanna tear my family apart but I'm so unhappy and not sure what to do maybe we should try to separate for a while and c what happens
happygilmore72 happygilmore72
31-35, M
7 Responses Jan 13, 2013

This is the story of my life. It has gotten to the point that I won't let her touch me in any way beyond a hug or a kiss hello/goodbye. I just say in a very matter of fact way, "Don't start something you are not willing to finish." That's usually the end of it.

Oh you poor batsard. I really feel for you. I have experience in this area myself. My missus has done this more times than i would like to remember.

After she engages in one of these episodes i seriously refuse to talk to her or even cooperate with any of her requests. You are human brother and you have needs. This kind of ***** teasing is mental abuse.

The question here is what are you doing about it?

Well I've decided to avoid tearing up the family to just take sex with my wife out of the equation and find myself a new sexual partner. I've had enough of considering my wifes feelings

Good for you. I would however suggest that before finding a new sexual partner you seek legal advice on how a divorce would shake out for you, because if your wife ever found out about any affair her reaction is likely to be volcanic and any family tearing apart might be taken out of your hands.

But i'm with you once you have covered your *** stuff her feelings.

Your missus is an excellent communicator by her actions.

Your antenna to read the messages (and going by this - and your back stories, her message is completely consistent) just ain't working.

Tread your own path.

Have you tried directly confronting her about this behaviour and letting her know it is not acceptable? Her actions and words following that discussion should tell you everything you need to know. What is stopping you?

Mean behavior.

She clearly is not interested in sex with you. So, stop playing her little game and stop pursuing her.

And, a good woman? She is emasculating you and she appears to be doing it intentionally. Yeah, a real gem.

"...I love her and I know she's a good woman ..." What is constantly shocking me- the more cruel a woman towards her man, the more praise she gets here...and it seems he loves her more...

Is it true?

I hate these articles/books that proclaim that men/women can get the relationship they want by being a *****/***** to their partner.

My ex kept me for awhile by withholding affection and love and emotionally/psychologically abusing me. It was because I had low self esteem and past abuse issues.

He thought he held power and control. The only flaw was that I worked like hell to heal my issues and move through my fear. I left him. To his credit, he now fully recognizes and takes responsibility for his behavior toward me. He has finally sought help, and he appears to be moving in a more loving direction in his life. We have made amends as friends.

But, it totally trips me out to see books advocating emotional withholding and criticism as a means to gain power in a relationship. It is mean, it does not ultimately work, and it does not facilitate love.

Now, I am with a guy who LOVES my affection...simply basks in it. And, he gets more and more and more and more whenever he wants it. I know he loves me, he shows me all the time and the more he shows it, the more I give him. And, the more I show him, the more I get. We treat each other with gentleness, patience, and respect as much as we can muster as flawed human beings.

Love doesn't hurt. Lack of love hurts.

I totally agree with you and hate those books and article too... and resist believing ... but... but.... why so many people (men and women) here, that clearly mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by their partners and still telling how fantasticly good their partners are (even after decades of being rejected and refused in SM)? I want to believe that just normal self preservation instinct would drive any human being from this sort of relationship, but we can see that just the opposite happens... there are many of incredibly strong and long SM in this world.... My heart is crying for them...

Yes, it's weird, it's like hypnosis. I've been in it, and can't fully explain how I got there. Similarly, I notice that some women really do seem to go warm if you treat them coolly and go cool if you start to become warm, which is a b#gger if you're keen on the idea of an ardent, consuming, passionate relationship.

This is just cruel - and intentional. I'm not sure what she is punishing you for, maybe for simply being a man, but you need to RUN from this woman.

Thanks for your reply I wish I could just get away from her I love her and I know she's a good woman I just had enough of the whole thing. The only thing stopping me is kids. What I can't understand is that she has doubled in size since we got married it dint bother me she still attracts me. I workout I have a lean body and I'm the one being rejected. Sometimes I wish I could find someone else.