A Few Weeks Away....

I've been quiet for a while now with the exception of a few comments here and there. The last few weeks have been challenging, awakening, and exhausting. The tension grows, the stress of holding onto my secret burns, and my patience with H becomes weakened each day. With the issue of chasing the "why" behind my sexless marriage behind me, every other issue in our marriage has surfaced but the biggest, is his lack of commitment to work. This is ironic because for a LONG time I believed it was his work that got in the way of our intimacy. His work for many years was nights/weekends, opposite of my schedule. Opposite schedules can often be detrimental for any marriage but in a sexless marriage I suppose it is convenient. I would think, "he's such a hard worker. His job gets the best part of him. If only he could put half that energy into this marriage, how much better it would be." About 5 years ago, he lost his job for nearly 11 months. That was actually the beginning of my wake up call. With him around all the time, we had lots of time to work on things. Who was I kidding?? I didn't know yet that this thing had a name: ILIASM. Oh sure, we had spurts of improvement, but you know how that ended. More disappointment.

My digression does have a point. Once the realization that in addition to my sexless marriage, I am married to a PA spouse, I realized that he has been underachieving in his workplace(no matter what the job.) He worked his butt off but never to better himself, never to try to get a promotion. At one point he worked for a company that was failing but he "felt bad for the guy" and kept working for him despite the fact that he didn't get paid for 3 ******* months!! So, when all this started going really far south was in combination with another event. He left an ok job (the one he landed after his 11 month unemployment spurt) to go chase one with potential. I was reluctant and hesitant but he insisted that this would be life-changing. So we went from steady, decent work to a part-time job with potential. And now 5 months later, not much has changed. The stress it has put on us is unbearable. I have been the breadwinner for almost the entire marriage minus one year. (And folks, I have a good job...it's a career...but it is not a high paying job by any stretch. It pays the bills. I'm happy. It's steady. It's what I love.) He is just fine with that. Well, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Maybe me leaving you will be the kick in the *** you really need.

So financial sabotage is the name of the latest game. One of the major reasons I needed a few months to exit is to save enough money to get out. When your H doesn't ******* know what his paycheck will be each week, it makes that task nearly impossible. At every turn, I feel he is blocking my moves. I take a deep breath each day. Some days are harder than others.

Here's the best part. In one of my last stories, I mentioned that he was starting to feel better. He told me his sex drive was back. I toyed around with the idea of perhaps giving into the sex since after all he is still my H and I do still have physical needs. He really was flirtatious and talking a lot of doing stuff. I talked in my story about having high standards, too. Well, it turns out I didn't need to even worry about standards. In a moment of weakness, I gave into his advances. Nothing changed....I was bored (when I didn't even want to be.) It was over quickly and in the end it was nothing more than reset sex. He hasn't come near me since. We are right back to the same cycle. Personally, I am relieved. Reset sex ends up serving a good purpose for me this time. I don't have to worry about him wanting anything from me....I'm good for at least 6 months or longer and by then I will be LONG gone.

At this point, I am 3 weeks away from disclosing my intentions with him. There are days I want to scream, days I want to give in and just end it but I am trying to be smart in making sure my kids and I are in a good place financially before doing this. I've waited this long, 3 weeks won't kill me, right?
nutmeg99 nutmeg99
36-40, F
5 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Good luck to you.

It does seem smart to keep your plans covert here.

He will, very likely, empty the gun at you when the time comes, but as long as you have the initiative and momentum on your side he will find it very difficult to hit a moving target.

If he knows any earlier, it will give him time to shore up his defences and begin his rearguard action at a time of HIS choosing. You don't want that. Keep him off balance, shine him on until you are ready.

Tread your own path.

I really do appreciate your feedback here. It's nice to have some reassurance as to my plan.

Yes you are right he is probably engaging in behavours that block your every move. Keep on playing it smart. If you do this fool wont know what hit him.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Thanks!

hang in there, better times ahead - 3 weeks - maybe you need a "leaving advent calendar" with chocolate each day to reward yourself, ha ha.

I really like that idea:) except I know he would eat my chocolate! Lol

I might advise against telling him now about your intentions. Oftentimes when we have one foot out the door, they sense it (even if you haven't told him), and the no-sex spouse will start trying to "fix" things. It's really ******* annoying when you've already set your mind to leaving.

I know. I'm sticking to my plan as stated in my story.

Stay strong!