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I Left My Sexless Marriage

and it was hard. I had tried for so long to make it work. For him to see that I needed any kind of intimacy from him. But he didn't have it in him. I left in September of 2011 and haven't seen him since. We do still talk on the phone, email more than a few times a week and yes, he's my facebook friend. He knows why I left and he has said he's sorry that he couldn't do anything. Like I've said here on this board, his normal and my normal are different. I will and still do love him. Probably always will. I had even told him that he was my soul mate, but I just wasn't his.
I have been single since I left him. Working on finding me. And it's been great so far. Have gotten so much closer to my sister and our Mother. Been working full time, put in some overtime, put a lot into savings and RRSP's. Have taken 2 solo trips to Vegas........ absolutely loved every minute of it!! And yes, planning on another soon. I even bought a new car!!
Even though I left a sexless marriage, I knew I wasn't ready for any kind of sexual relationship. But now, this is a new year. And I feel as though I am emotionally ready for a relationship. I've started dating. Yea me!!

I was scared at first when I left him. Not knowing if I could find a job, a place to live, be able to support myself....... But it is possible. Anything is possible. Everything is possible. And I owed it to myself...... I couldn't live, I just couldn't exist under the conditions that he believed were acceptable.
SaharaDawn SaharaDawn 46-50, F 6 Responses Jan 14, 2013

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Good for you! You sound happy and proud of yourself---as you should be!!

sahara if both of you work harder at the marriage it will work...my wife is something like your hubby 4 years ago at 50..menopause...now because of my arousing touch and love she demands as often as 2x daily...there is nothing wrong within marriage...only outside...possibly he is in depression and withyou leaving it push him even lower...where you...for better and for worse?

Ugh.

Double ugh.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't have the slightest notion what this group is all about. I suggest you stop flapping your gums and read more.

Wait... whaaaat?

I did work hard at our marriage and who are you to say "if both of you work harder at the marriage it will work...." I certainly don't appreciate your comments - it's almost as though you are putting the blame on me for not trying harder. My husband physically, emotionally, and spiritually; left our marriage - long before I left him.
I don't have to explain my actions to you....... only to myself, my husband, and my Creator.

I have deleted a few of your posts and flagged you "faithfullover". Your posts were certainly not appreciated and uncalled for.

Don't forget we can hit the big "dislike" button, too!

This person may be clueless, but he's not wrong. "If you both work harder..." that's the problem. In most of our marriages we are the only ones to work harder on making the relationship work. But the problem is we can't make them work harder just like we can't make them have sex with us.

actually I am mor concerned the man work harder..but sahara has deleted the other 2 posting about what we man can do...wonder why she is so sensitive when I am trying to encourage the men to be more sensitive/?sigh!!!!Thanks anyway elkclan and chai!!!

And now to respond to your post Faithfullover..... the posts that I had deleted were disgusting and disturbing to me. I don't care how many ******* you give your wife. I don't want to know how and where you touch your wife, which your posts that I deleted, were all about.
This is my story and for you to say that we should have tried harder? When now we are happier separated than together?
And like MissLee said...."Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't have the slightest notion what this group is all about. I suggest you stop flapping your gums and read more."
and Changewilldoyougood......." Wait... whaaaat?"
And I agree with elkclan's statement that we are the only ones to work harder on making the relationship work. But the problem is we can't make them work harder just like we can't make them have sex with us."

Amen.. hope he finds himself sexless one day... lol But congrats to you.. you did it. It give everyone of us hope. Keep posting we want to know about what you do from here.

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I reread your backstories and they all contained elements of strength.

Your determination to improve the overall quality of your life is to be commended.

This is a great story. I wish you well!

Well done. I joined around the same time as you and I'm doing the solo bit too. It's great isn't it. We've done the scary bits and now we live in our brave new worlds. I can't compare how different my world is. It is just so opposite. It's real. There's no pretence. Loving every minute of it.... Especially from this sunny Mediterranean beach and wall to wall sunshine in January....all on a tiny budget. Brilliant
.... I should have done it years ago.

Rated up. Thank you for sharing.

"Part of me just has to admit that there is nothing that I can do...... except to accept this part of our marriage. To just live my own life - to be married but without a partner. We've only been married for seven years and I thought our lives would be so different, we had such hopes and dreams for future, so much to do and to share"

Remember the above Sister S ??

That was your position as of 16th November 2009.

Your run of stories would be well worth a read by any newbie.

Tread your own path.