Looking For The Fix

My wife and I are in such a weird place right now. My libido has been dulled to nothing lately. She was wanting it all the time. Now I'm trying like hell to get it and she is so not in the mood at all. No one's fault but my own.
36-40, M
5 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Update to the story.....I'm pretty sure that getting on here and beign able to open up and be honest about different subjects has awaken my libido to level 999. My wife and I made love all weekend and it was great for us. She is very conservative in her sexual practices but that is ok. At least I wanted it and she wanted it and it worked. I stayed hard for her all weekend and it felt natural. I am so glad that I found this site to help me.

I have briefly read your other posts.

Maybe it is more than just your fault, I don't know, but don't assume the obvious and believe that is all that there is necessarily to it. Life is usually not that simple, ever.

Your wife may be a very intelligent person and that may give her many advantages both in principle and in practical terms. However, it does not make her a complete person, any more than you.

Baz suggests that if she has street smarts. Well, she may not. And she may not be emotionally intelligent or mature. Even leaving that to one side, the more intelligent you may be the more questioning you are likely to be and that can leave you with even more scope for self-doubt and a propensity to introspection.

Stephen Hawking, the theoretical physicist and former Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge university, holder of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Fellow of the Royal Society of the Arts, graduated from both Cambridge and Oxford Universities and worked for a time at Cal Tech and has won the Albert Einstein prize has been married twice and divorced twice. He once said that even though he might understand quantum mechanics he never understood women. You get the general idea.

On the other hand, maybe your wife sees more in the dynamics of your relationship than you realise. Maybe it is more than just the sex or the lack of it either then or now. Maybe the lack of sex is a symptom, not a cause for you both. Maybe it is just the psychological and emotional mix between you, that you both initially saw something in one another at the outset that just hasn't been able to survive the test of time.

Maybe it is time to communicate, FULLY, to lay your soul on the line, no matter what the outcome might be, to leave your fear to one side and let events take their fullest and natural course. The probability is that they will anyway, whether you deny it or accept it.

It is, of course, necessary for your wife to be able to do the same and no degree of intelligence can prepare you or defend you from the circumstances that can ensue.

This is the best words of advice yet. Thank you

Sorry but after 12 years of NO I have no sympathy.

I see in another story that your missus has an IQ of 160.

If she has the street smarts to match the IQ, then you might be well advised to prepare for being single in the fairly near future.

Tread your own path.

i agree and that is what is scaring the hell out of me right now.

Mutual assured refusal?

What do you want to have happen, and what do you propose to do about that?

I know that a big part of my libido going down was due to feeling inadequate with such an intelligent, alpha-type female. I have to regain my footing and be myself regardless of what she is.

Exploring what you both are can be interesting and worthwhile.... wherever that leads.

Paradoxically, mutually assured refusal means no one's asking. You don't have mutually assured refusal unless that arrangement remains untested for ever. Like nuclear deterrents.

Which is why it has become awkward for both of us. I am getting back into my happy place which makes her feel more relaxed and assured. I am hoping that leads to better intimacy.

"I know that a big part of my libido going down was due to feeling inadequate with such an intelligent, alpha-type female. I have to regain my footing and be myself regardless of what she is."
Interesting. My wife has said much the same to me.

It takes all sorts to make the world. My wife is a super-intelligent, alpha-type female who did not know she has a clitoris before her second year in grad school, and what "shag" means before she was 38. Her formidable brain is focused on one thing alone: her work. I do not feel inadequate (not a dud either in the cerebrum department) but sex with her is worse than ************.

My wife hated sex before me. She tells me I'm the only man she has ever enjoyed but she still cannot achieve climax without help from her vibrator at the end. And even then it takes a little bit still.

(This is like a boogerfest.) My wife never climaxed with me, and most likely never climaxed. She knows the feelings leading up to it but has never learned to go over the edge. She probably does not know there are such things as vibrators. If she knew, she would privately label all users as *****, and to me, she would build a rational argument that if ****** requires such unnatural equipment and intervention, it should/need not be pursued.

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