Is It Strange To Want To Say Good-bye?

Tonight I feel sad. As my days draw closer to utter the divorce word to my STBX, I feel I want to say good-bye in my own way before I tell him. As I said before, he is affectionate just doesn't want sex. I have somewhat avoided the affection over the last month or so and he hasn't gone out of his way to be near me-part of the tension that exists right now. But tonight I was sad....that that is a part that will go away soon and I will miss that and him. I'm not changing my mind-I see the big picture. I guess I just want to say good-bye before it's my reality.
nutmeg99 nutmeg99
36-40, F
4 Responses Jan 14, 2013

I am sorry to say I have not read all your stories just the last two. I also am in about the same place as you but I have leased a place and move on the 24th. Yes 9 more days. I have told him and gave him the date I am moving out but, if I had to do it over again or if I were in your place I would not tell him. You can still say “goodbye” over the phone from a distance away or in a note after you are gone. Do not give him any way to hurt you or your children. If it helps when I told my H he did not have any reaction. It was like I told him it was raining outside.. it was just another thing to him. We will see how it is on the 24th but I don’t expect anything different then. I know what you are hoping for, so was I but if you have gone this long living with him you also have to know that saying goodbye will not change him. It may for a day or a week but things are broken and in need of help and like you, I think it will help for us to be apart. Maybe for a little while maybe forever we will just have to see. It’s like starting over again after 25 years of marriage. Good luck and above all else stay safe you have to do that for yourself and your children..

Thanks. For me it was more like an internal, silent goodbye, not an out loud one. I am in no way telling him my intentions until I'm ready. I just felt sort of like I needed to do that for myself.

Then by all means go for it.. just keep it to yourself because I don't think it will help you any for him to know. Good Luck.. Keep us posted.

Your rehearsal sounds natural enough to me - perhaps like an athlete envisaging their performance before the race.

It is not strange, but ultimately, it is pointless.

The message is crystal clear when you go. Then, it takes a while for everyone to adjust, and eventually accept it.

Tread your own path.

Saying good-bye always has a point. This is an ending of something that has been a part of my adult life for nearly 14 years. This is the man that is the father of my children. This is a man that has been my friend and confidant for all this time. This is someone that is a steady presence in my life. Despite all the flaws and things that are wrong about this marriage, I do care and love him. I have just come to accept that is not what I wanted my MARRIAGE to be. So Baz, this time, I do disagree with you. I don't think it is pointless to want to say good-bye to someone you love. From the moment I said, "I do" everything changed. From the moment I will say, "I don't" it will all change again.

Different views. I ain't you. If it is important to you, then it is important, period.

I am not where you are just yet...I sense it coming though. Thank you for your honesty and openness. I suspect I will have similar feelings.