End Of The Longest Chapter In My LifeLast night we had to put our dog down. I must have known it was coming because I had called in sick to work - on a staff meeting day, too, which is something I have never, not once, missed. I am glad I got to play with him for a long time in the morning, and I sat with him for two hours on the floor just petting him, massaging him. We even took one last nap on the bed. I was close to this dog -- kayaking, hiking - always there, my buddy. The pain is relentless.
Last night after we got home my stbx asked me, crying, to please sleep with him in the bed we all slept in for the past 9 years (dog was almost 12, 3 when we got him). I did, but I told him it didn't mean we were fixing us. He held me and we cried a lot. He admitted he couldn't remember the last time he cried. He then said he had no regrets with our dog, he knows he loved him, showed it... but then he shocked me by saying with tears, "I can't say that about you, though."
It was brutal.
I feel bad sharing such stuff, but the support is always appreciated. I can't go back --- I am sorry for our loss -- the end of the longest chapter of our lives so far. It kills me that my dog might have chose this time to go because of a broken heart - like he knew. But sadness and loss doesn't mean our marriage is right for either of us.
This house just sucks this morning --- no snorts, no playing, it's waaaaay too quiet and empty and just not like a home at all.
Today is a day of clients and work and I will do my KB workout tonight. Inbetween, I will try to feel -- I have been feeling all night, I haven't cried this much since dad passed. I am crying for dad's passing, the dog's passing, the end of a marriage and friendship, the end of any hope or dreams we might have had together that won't/can't come true, so much....
So, so much.
Okay - that's my update. I don't know how to end this post --