Red Flags All Over. Any Advice For A Marriage Going Down South?This is my first post. Sorry for potential typos and/or grammar mistakes as English is not my mother tongue.
I have been reading this site for over a year now. I've decided to pitch in my story. Sadly, I am afraid that it is not very different from the other many stories I've read here. Also, I am writing it more for my own relief and for seeking help. I doubt it would be helpful for others seeking help. My most sincere apologies.
I've been married for over 10 years now. This sexless ordeal has moved from being a mild nuisance type of problem to a really big deal depending on the year and time. My wife has never been a sexual person and our best streaks have been a few weeks of 1-2 times per week. The most common scenario is to have sex once every 10-15 days on average, with many streaks of almost a month with no intimacy.
I know this is by no means a bad situation, specially after the much worse stories that I've read here. Still, I see all the early warnings and signs that make it clear that this situation is not really going to improve but rather the opposite. Thus I am seeking for help before this really goes beyond the breaking point.
Let me add a few more facts and context. To the best of my knowledge I am a supportive husband. I take care of all the minor things in the house, do dishes, laundry, most of the cooking and I bring a large chunk of the income to the family. I try to listen and to give support. At least I have never been told otherwise.
We had our first child recently. After all the previous years with little sexual activity I was really hesitant. However, she really wanted to and I finally gave in. I do not regret in the very least as my child is just a lovely small baby. However, I feel the splinter in my side... having this baby probably means that now things got a whole lot more complicated.
Having the baby meant a long time with no sex during her pregnancy and basically no sex in the months after the baby was born. Now that the baby is here I bath him, change diapers, feed the baby bottles, cook even more and collaborate even more in the house chores. I changed my work routine so that I can get to work early and from the moment I step in, I do not stop with chores. I do them with pleasure and passion.
The problem is that sex is really slowing down to a standstill. What is worse is that when we do it is completely passionless, automatic and cold.
In the past I tried to talk her into other sexual activities, like lingerie, spicy movies, more talking, more preliminaries and being interested in what turns her on, what does she like, etc. Nothing like this worked in the past to arouse her or at least not in a meaningful way. Now that we have a small baby I do not even dare to venture here again. Tried flowers, tried presents, tried passionate hugging and cruddling, etc.
We had several talks about this in the past to no avail. Have to admit those talks were not overly serious in the sense that I did not clearly state that this was really hurting me all along.
So... any advice on how to approach my significant other? I am really hesitant about how to raise the issue. I would not like to make things worse and quite frankly... I do not want to wake up one day, 10 more years into my marriage and realizing that I lost 20 years of a healthy sex life.
Sorry for taking so long... too many things in my head to put it clearly and succinctly.
fastmax 36-40, M 5 Responses 0 Jan 16, 2013