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Inspiration/useful Quote

am trying to finalize who i will be retaining & in the process have read a LOT on diff't websites. found the following on a local mediator's website & wanted to share:

"Determining what we have power over and relinquishing the rest frees us to use our resources. Divorcing couples often revisit things outside their control -- what the other party should be doing, should have done, shouldn't have done, and so on. The choices and behaviors of the other people are ALWAYS outside our control.

Deciding who you want to be is always within your power (even during the turmoil of divorce). Each choice you make is an opportunity to build your self respect. Be aware that your choices affect the people you love and loved. You need not consider taking care of anything but this legacy in order to act according to your principles and highest self. This may be the most effective way to replace regret with peace and dignity, for you and yours.

It is possible to embrace the unwelcome experience of divorce in order to cultivate the person and parent you want to become."

for those of us struggling with ourselves, our decisions, conflict with our stbx's, particular attention should be paid to the last 2 sentences of the first paragraph of this quote. in particular "the choices and behaviors of other people are ALWAYS outside our control."

just wanted to share, in hopes it may prove as inspirational to 1 or 2 others struggling as i am at the moment.
smithy8015 smithy8015 46-50, F 1 Response Jan 16, 2013

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Great story Smithy - rated UP!
For so many years each of us has been part of a couple that our responses are "we" oriented. As Baz has been pointing out, we need to move from "we" to "me" - easier said than done!

I particularly like this bit:
"Be aware that your choices affect the people you love and loved. You need not consider taking care of anything but this legacy in order to act according to your principles and highest self. This may be the most effective way to replace regret with peace and dignity, for you and yours."

Acting with honour, dignity, compassion, honesty and kindness are all within our OWN realm of behaviour. Choosing to behave like this not only treats the other person (and extended family) in the bestways possible, it enhances our own self esteem.

Those who choose to "punish" their STBX or to "get whatever they can" from the divorce are choosing not to avail themselves of this opportunity. And IMO, that is sad.