Fifty Shades...or....Throw Me Down
I read...a lot.
Of course, like millions of others my "go to" list includes NYT Best Sellers so avoiding this trilogy is almost impossible. Also, my curiousity is limitless and at the moment so is my time. I'd like to think I'm picky about subject matter but the raw truth is....I'm not.
Since so much of what I read on EP is sexual in nature, and since I have lived longer than most of you, there are a few thoughts I have concerning bdsm or at least the concept and because I have membership I'm tempted to share. If you haven't read this series, you'll not know of which I write...move on now. Since I have no first hand experience I will have to refer only to what I have read and I have to confess I graduated from Fifty Shades to a half dozen copycat books at which point I had had it up to here with the story line. If there is someone who is reading this that participates in this I apologize now for any misinformation that might be included or suggested....this is just my limited observation. Correct me but please do it gently.
There is nothing new under the sun, it's all been done before. Eons ago, cave men and women have practiced this lifestyle, if the history books can be believed. Mr. Caveman dragged his woman by the hair to the cave both to get his dinner and take his pleasure. So far nothing is written about whether she liked it or not, let's assume she did and enjoyed her role, I don't see she had a choice. Sex is primitive...and one of the strongest drivers known, right up there with self preservation.
Seems to me the attraction for a sub is an avoidance of responsibility in the sex department and the associated guilt over his/her sexual preferences. All his/her sexual needs are met as well as many others. There also appears to me that there is less need for verbal communication (since the dom makes the decisions, what's to discuss?). Both adults get to play out their sexual fantasies and of course I think men, more often than women, have a need to control. As a now adult woman my childhood memories come back to remind me I would burn in hell for enjoying sex and God forbid I should ask for it in any form else I would be punished. I was my father's toy - he laid down the rules..."no one touches you (gives you pleasure) but me". Is this scenario (aside from the difference in age and ability to accept or reject of course) different than the D/s dynamic?
I know nothing about the pleasure/pain connection. I never met a pain that I liked. I'm guessing there is some physiological basis but I almost failed biology. What comes to mind is the expected result whenever we misbehave (think impure thoughts). Acceptance of punishment resolves the issue..."beat me please, absolve me".
Now, all this aside, I was surprised to find there was somewhat of a story, however far-fetched. Remember I mentioned I had read other books like these...in all cases the women were 20 something virgins and the men were 20 something bazillionaires. The stories all ended with subsequent marriages and 1 1/2 children. Sexual encounters occurred daily if not hourly and of course nothing else mattered. Sighhhhh. While I can believe in behaviors like this (I was 20 something at one time too yanno) I also believe it sets an unrealistic standard for couples, one that is unattainable and exhausting if not utterly ridiculous. One other thought...perhaps this story is turnabout...the result of the irritation many women feel when their SO's obviously lust after the Angelina Jolie's of this world. How can our men possibly match the standard of Christian Grey's exceptional size, disapline and staying power?
Even if I find this an interesting subject, I don't feel drawn to the life but I do admit that knowing what I know now...about myself, that is, it might have been of benefit for me as an adult to have met someone who would have just grabbed me and thrown me down. There. Decision made. I love the passion in that....clearly I would have felt desired. I would have fought like hell....then I would have given him any damned thing he wanted.