Should I Leave?
I am glad that I have found this site. I don't have a lot of people to talk to about my problems in my marriage. I am 36 and have been married for a little over 3 years. My husband and I have not had sex for over a year now. In the year previous to that, it was only 3 times. I used be the only one to initiate sex and I guess that was the only reason we had sex. I got really sick of being turned down all the time. My husband is so consumed with his work and other stressful things that he can never relax. At least that is what he tells me. I have tried to be patient - he used to have a really stressful job that I knew was taking a toll on him. When he got out of that job into a more relaxed one, I thought things would get better. They haven't. We live like roommates. It is just the two of us - no children. We used to talk about having children, but how could we when we never have sex?
I guess if you are reading this you are wondering why I stay. I guess it is because I love my husband very much. He is so smart, handsome, and caring. He just doesn't have a passionate side. I, on the other hand, need passion in my life. I am sick of being complimented by other people and never by my husband. I have been so tempted to cheat just because I want the attention, but I refuse to be that person. I would never forgive myself. I always thought that I would never cheat on my husband, but I think about it all the time now. We used to have the same goals and have a great relationship, but the lack of sex has driven us apart.
We have had several conversations about this in which I told him that I couldn't stay married if we were going to live this way. I didn't make threats, but just tried to communicate with him and understand his feelings. I tried everything and decided that I was going to leave 3 months ago. When I told him that I wanted to separate, he said that he would be willing to go to therapy to try and work on things. I was so angry that all of the talks we had before weren't taken seriously and that he waited until I was ready to leave (the hardest decision I have ever had to make) to do something. Well, we went to 3 therapy sessions. The therapist indicated to me that the "ball was in his court". Well, nothing has changed. I asked the therapist that if nothing changed, then what. He told me that if it doesn't change, then I have my answer.
I feel like I have my answer - that our marriage is over, but I just don't know how to do this. I never envisioned getting divorced. I have been looking for a reason to stay for so long. I know my husband is a great man, a wonderful person. I know that there are not a lot of good guys out there (at least not the one's I have met). But, I feel more alone in this marriage (hence my screen name), than I did when I was alone. I just can't seem to summon up the courage to do anything about it.
Any advice would be helpful. Sorry I rambled on and on....I just don't know what to do. Since you all have had similar problems, I would be interested in knowing how you handle things. When do you know it is time to leave? And for those of you who stayed (without children), why did you stay?
Thanks for any inpute.