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Frustrated Newlywed Part: Ii

Well I must say that since I have been on this site it's very refreshing to hear from others and at the same time it saddens my heart that people are walking around in marriages with pain and feeling hurt and anger. I wish I had a magic wand to make everyone feel on cloud 9 for the rest of their marriages but I don't. Update on my situation is that I am packing for a 7 day cruise that my husband and I purchased last March. I know I am supposed to be excited but I am not near excited. I am happy to be off work for ten days. I'm not excited because I know that hot steamy passionate sex is not waiting for me on that ship, I'm lucky if I get any let alone if it's satisfying (last long enough). I just wanted to thank everyone who chimed in and gave their thoughts and concerns along with opinions. I know what I am going to have to do and that is leave because I can't live a life like this. I love my husband but I have yet to feel connected to him. It saddens my heart to have to be going through this but I am looking forward to feeling the relief feeling I just hate to feel that feeling at the expense of my husbands feelings. I hope that we can sit down and have a conversation and just lay everything out. I believe I have done all that I can do. We have been to Doctor appointments, he has been on different meds, I even went and saw a therapist with him. Hell I even bought lingerie for this trip. Well wish me LUCK because this trip is gonna either make us or break us!!!
~InquiringMinds247~
InquiringMinds247 InquiringMinds247 26-30, F 8 Responses Jan 18, 2013

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This is a typical response from a woman. If her expectations aren't met, we're done...bottom line, end of story, hand over the money. If his expectations aren't met...who cares, meeting his needs aren't important...as long as he pays all the bills.

The poor husband here doesn't know what he's in for. Does he know this cruise is make or break? Bet he doesn't know. Why bother with the lingerie? You'll get your way in divorce court.

It's interesting how women buy lingerie when they want to get laid. For me, the total lack of clothing is much more effective in getting my attention. I must be weird...

I can completely relate to going on fun vacations expecting to be disappointed. Very bittersweet. We too are somewhat newlyweds and don't have any kids. Being on vacation is almost more depressing cause you know there's hardly any legitimate excuses the spouse can offer for refusing. No work, no obligations.

I agree with Baz don't set yourself up for disappointment don't have any expectations. If you can have a serious talk with him and explain in great detail what this means to you. Explain how this need for you is as important to you as __________! You fill it in. Does he know you are at the point of leaving the marriage? I just think he needs to know how very serious this is and he can loose you. Of course, if he doesn't know this I don't think it would be a good idea to tell him before the cruise, but you can convey your needs and the importance of those needs.

Maybe you could convey a hope of a relaxing time together and maybe reconnecting romantically. I wouldn't give the make it break it attitude to him or yourself. Worry about that when you get back. Thats too much pressure on both of you. Don't expect anything but relaxing fun in the sun and enjoy your time. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. Also, kind of play it cool because he's probably feeling pressure thinking you gonna expect something from him like fireworks and magic and if he sees you being nice, patient, loving with no evidence of sexual tension from you then he may think hey what's up and he might just want to seduce you ???????? I hope so. Idk just a thought. May not, just a thought. He may just go through the whole cruise just like normal if you don't initiate some action. Good luck and have fun. I wish you all the best for your dream cruise to come true!

I feel bad for you as newlywed you should have and excitement on this cruise. I wish you could have that. if it means being in the deck holding hand at some port of call, having crazy sex in your room, or out side at your port of call. I am sorry this not the experience of a life time it should be.

Contrary to what popular press suggests, these problems are not fixed by creating specific situations like these. These problems are fixed, if at all, by working on them little by little every day under normal circumstances --- amid work and kid pressure, illnesses, annoyances and distractions.

From similar experience but on other sode of table my advice would be to find out his deepest fantacy and act if you can. You need to just act on that with all your willingness and interest. Maybe this would break the root cause to your issue. Wish you luck with this.

His deepest fantasy is to share a slice of toast over the breakfast table!! VERY few spouses who withhold sex are doing so in order to inspire their willing sexual partners to "try something new".

If you can adopt a mindset, that you are going on what looks like a great cruise, which will be enjoyable in and of itself, you will likely have a good time.

If you are running an agenda of a re-fire of intimate connection for the cruise to be a success, then it probably won't be terribly enjoyable. Regarding it as a "make or break" scenario will probably mean it collapses under the pressure.

I hope you have a great and relaxing cruise.

Tread your own path.