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It Took A Hurricane

I have been absent from EP for awhile.   I wrote this story on November 27, 2012 , but never posted it.......

Hurricane Sandy left her wrath of destruction on me and so many others.  My house sustained flooding throughout the entire first floor, resulting in a complete wash-out ( pun intended).  I lost everything.  I was completely unprepared for the destruction.  My home was recently remodeled.  Everything was new, the floors, the walls, the appliances.  I bought quality furniture, so I wouldn't have to buy it again.  It was actually a relief to me to know that I wouldn't have to deal with any home improvements in the near future, since I am not an expert in that field.  I thought it would make life After my divorce a little easier.  Silly me....  

 I spent countless, exhausting, freezing hours.... days....weeks.... throwing away the ruined remnants of my life and trying to salvage what could be saved.  There were times I was crumpled on the floor, sobbing over the loss of irreplaceable mementos, SO precious to me that I thought I would never recover from the pain. It was excruciating to see the photographs,  the preschool drawings & cards my children made, the handwritten stories scrawled in crayon and pencil, videos of their baby days and happy holidays, all of it Gone.

Sandy left me homeless.  I never imagined that "i" would be homeless.  My house had no electricity, heat or hot water.   Everything on the first floor was ruined, including the couch that I slept on.  There was also the lovely aroma of stagnant salt water mixed with mold.   I was forced to live with my best friend and her family.  Thank goodness for her gracious generosity.  She took me and my children into her home.  She fed us, gave us shelter.  She did countless loads of laundry trying to save my flood damaged belongings.  She spent hours sorting through photographs, trying to help me save them.  She even loaned me a car when mine broke down due to tainted gasoline.  She did so much for us.  I will never be able to repay her for her kindness.  I know I am blessed to have her in my life!

I also lost my computer along with so many other things, which affected my EP participation.

There is a positive development from this hurricane!

After almost a year of sleeping on the couch, my house being flooded  & the devastation it caused, and being homeless for a month.....I am happy to report that I spent the last two nights alone IN MY BED, with my children in theirs.   As a result of Sandy,  My cohabitation days with my H are over!  It took a hurricane to get my H out of the house!  Talk about drastic measures!  Whew!  I highly recommend an easier path.

Update January 2013

I have been living back on the 2nd floor of my house with my children for about 6 weeks now.  We are living in the bedrooms & we have a bathroom.  There is heat & hot water.  There is no kitchen.  I never thought I would miss cooking, but I do!  We are making the best of a difficult situation.  My H is living with his father.  The house he recently purchased, a block away from mine, was also flooded.  I have been waiting for money from the insurance company to fix the house.  This was the last thing I needed in the midst of this divorce but.....it is, what it is.  I have no choice but to go forward & get through it.  

My divorce has taken a negative turn & spiraled downward even more curtesy of my H & his nasty lawyer.  He choose to try & bully me & try to intimidate me into agreeing to HIS parenting plan or he would move back into the house.  The contractor also was told to stop working on my house because he wasn't paying for it.  He did this AFTER our home was destroyed & a couple weeks before Christmas.  Talk about being kicked when you're down!  This resulted in 2 emergency court visits & I can only imagine how much spent in legal fees, only to end up where we originally were in August.  In August we went to 2 mediation meetings to work out a parenting plan.  We agreed on one, which I didn't really "like", but I tried to accommodate his work schedule.  Apparently, he wanted more time with the kids added to his already generous plan. 

 His actions also changed the tone of this whole divorce.  I am totally done with him.  He burnt his last bridge with me.  I only speak with him if I absolutely have to.  We communicate primarily through texts.  And those are only when necessary.  I hate him....
ANewLife4Me ANewLife4Me 46-50, F 6 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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((((((((((((newlife)))))))))))))) i am so glad you and your children are safe and back in your home; AND that you have such a blessed friend in your life so wonderfully helpful in so many ways.

i wish you continued strength and stamina as you make your way through the divorce process.

yes your STBX is being nasty. take the high road as much as you can. your children are smart and they will see through shenanigans quicker than you'd think, unfortunately the atty fees can't be helped.

keep your chin up and we are here whenever you need to talk.

xo

Glad to hear things are slowly getting better in most aspects for you, and things overall are moving forward. Sorry to hear the STBX is being such a jerk, hoping all will work out on that end. Take care.

NewLife, you have been through so much. I admire you strength and perseverance. Not sure many of us would have been as tough. But you did it! Sorry STBX is being such an ***.

I loved your perspective through most of this searing story, of the gratitude you have for the small things. And the utterly priceless friend you have.

I found that keeping that attitude is very helpful for putting the hateful in its proper place, so it will not adversely affect our lives.

13? OMG! I was worried about you and have thought of you often.

You have persevered, and that is no surprise to me and I am sure to many of us. More importantly, I am glad that you and your children are safe...your STBX, not so much...

One thing about which you know I will inquire...Strong Man??

As our login says..."Welcome Home".

oh MR....you made me smile! I have thought of you and my other EP friends often....Now you know why i have been "missing". And to answer your question.... i am happy to report that Strong Man & I are still an item! Whoo hoo!

<p>It is 11th March 2011.</p><p>You post your first story, in detail and raw honesty.</p><p>Here's a line from it that stood out to me -</p><p>- "I feel like I am at another crossroads. I am so afraid of making a mistake!" -</p><p>as it summed up the uncertainty and fear that be-sets us all at times.</p><p>Looking at your travails since, your stickability skills must have been put under all sorts of additional and unexpected pressures.</p><p>I am also betting that you in no way feel that you "made a mistake" in where your informed choices have taken you. And I will also bet that these informed choices yet to be made are carrying you to a greatly enhanced life as things unfold.</p><p>Nearly there, the babies head has crowned, and this part of the task is nearly done.</p><p>You are an inspiration Sister ANewLifeForMe (who you might recall was once self titled a rather drab "13YearsForMe" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)</p><p>Tread your own path.</p>

Baz! Its so good to "hear" your "voice"! Always wize...always informative...always inspiring!

Yes, I have come a long way since I first stumbled upon this group. I was a broken, scared, very unhappy woman. And although, i still have those feelings, sometimes. They don't consume every moment like they used to. I still dont want to "make a mistake"....but I also don't want to regret "living" the one life that I have.

Thanks for all your "words"!
ANL4ME...aka "13"