Nearly Sexless Marriage.My first post. I am a sex addict that has at best 'troubled' sex when my wife is williMy first post. I am not sure what to say.
First the 'clinical side'.
I am a sex addict with my addiction at the point that I don't cheat or **********. Though I want to, I do attend meetings, so I don't.
When I do convince my wife to have sex it is at best 'troubled' sex. It is very unsatisfying as I ********* without organism as often as not and my erection is about 75% of normal. I fear the conditioning of what a great problem it is to convince my wife to have sex is a big part of this. I have norm 'night time' erections so I realize it is not a physical problem. At a point in my marriage we had sex like ***** stars and often. My wife has substance abuse addictions. She is very over weight as a result and uses her, “I don't like my body” as a good way to not have sex.
I hope that wasn't TMI.
Now the emotional side.
I have considered taking the anti-depressant Effexor as that will compress my emotional life so I am never very sad nor very happy. A sort of half-smile of neutral feelings. And convince my doctor to chemically castrate me. Sounds crazy and radical when I write it, but it seems like a 'happier' life not containing the feelings that currently plague me. I hate the weight gain that will occur.I even consider suicide at an intellectually level. Not at an emotional level. I think about it I don't contemplate it. It does seem hopeless and I can't imagine living like this for years and years.
I would prefer something closer to normal. Not feeling depressed ,having normal sexual desires, normal sexual responses, a normal frequency of sex and a sober wife. I have been trying for two years, with increased effort for the last 4 months, to achieve this.