Tipped The Boat Over – And It Sank!
Two weeks ago – I filed for divorce and had my wife served on a Friday morning. This was my “tipping the boat over” event that Bazzar often recommends to posters on this forum. Before I tell you exactly what has happened as a result of capsizing the marital boat – let me first say for the possible benefit of others, that I have been preparing for this event for months. For me, the refused and rejected, it took a long time to prepare to file and serve her – to accept that I needed to do this. So, I instructed my attorney to file after the first of the year. The grounds for divorce is based on 1.) Irreconcilable differences and 2.) unprovoked and prolonged mental cruelty. I especially agree with number #2. I have been telling my wife this day would be coming, but was repeatedly met with indifference. So, that morning – I told her in the kitchen that I filed for divorce and that she would be served within the hour and that I would be taking the kids out for breakfast so she would be alone (the kids do not know yet). I sat at Dunkin Donuts eating a cinnamon roll, having some fun conversation with the kids, and watching the clock, knowing exactly when it would happen…and waiting for verification via a phone call that the deed was done. Afterwards, I dropped the kids off at home and left for work. She was leaving for a week-long business trip, so I would not see her until the following Friday night. Filing and serving her was not something I felt good about, in fact – a tremendous sense of guilt descended upon me in the days that followed. It was so bad, that I stayed at home for three days sick and barely able to move. For me, I think this guilt and accompanying depression was the last hurdle for me to accept the truth….the truth that my marriage was dead. I was also worried about how she would react….would she actually fight for the marriage? This possibility haunted me a bit because if she did that, fight for the marriage, what would I do? I worked too hard to get to a safe place – if she fought to right the boat, then I would be confronted with a very serious dilemma. While she was gone, I also moved to a spare bedroom in the basement and began doing my own laundry. I transitioned to 100% roommate status. When she got home a week later, I asked for some alone time to discuss next steps. She granted my request and we went out to have coffee and discuss the dissolution of our marriage. Our conversation was nearly all business. I was so very calm. It was obvious within seconds that she would not be fighting to save the marital boat. I was so relieved to actually know the truth – it was over! As I sat there listening to her, I realized I do not want to be with this person anymore and that we are indeed finally on the same page. Now, a couple weeks later I am posting on EP to let you all know that tipping the boat over was relatively easy compared to all the preparations that preceded the event. Now, I am safely swimming to a new shore and she now “owns” the consequences of her actions and inactions. I am content knowing I have done everything humanly possible to save the marriage (that’s a big one!).
I am now feeling pretty good. I am planning for a better future. I am confident that I have been granted a second chance in life and I am going to take full advantage of it. All the pain and suffering I have endured for the past several years in a sexless dysfunctional marriage have had a profound effect upon me. I know myself better, I have gained confidence, and the lessons learned will result in a new relationship someday that will transcend anything I have ever experienced. My journey to the other side is far from over, but wanted you all to know that ‘tipping the boat over’ was a relief and has allowed me to focus on the future rather than on the past. Thanks to all on this forum who post regularly and with sincere desire to help others who are struggling in SMs. I will post again when I have something significant to share. I hope to be in a new house as a single father by the end of summer. I kinda picture myself acting like Tom Cruise in Risky Business that first weekend alone.