Is It Even Possible to Reverse a Sexless Relationship?

I was just it even realistic to believe that a relationship can go from sexless back to sexful (in the same relationship)?  Or is it just wishful thinking?  We all have unique stories, but we all ended up in the same place.  In my case, I just don't want to waste time if it's futile. 

bioyah bioyah
41-45, M
14 Responses Aug 12, 2008

Here....Here My sisters......We all hope

I'm in the same position...I don't think intimacy can be "taught". If it's not there and it's never really been there, how can we get it back? <br />
<br />
For both of us, you bioyah and me, I hope it IS possible.

Well put, singer. For me, if everything else was in place I'd consider it. We also have some significant communication issues and that combined with intimacy makes it unbearable at time.

With me...We were partners in the M.P. corps in the army...We protected eachother...That is a relationship that will never happen to me ever again...And one that most people do not have...Our lives were in the hands of the other...That an almost 30 years of history is hard to let go of...You just have to fecide what is most important to you...Having them being in your life...or being inside your body...

Possible? Sometimes yes. Sometimes, no. <BR><BR>I look at it much as does autimom. In the scenario as she describes it, "no" is more likely. <BR>I would say that the ONLY hope to reverse a sexless relationship is for the nonsexual partner to <BR>A. Recognize that there is a problem(and no, that does not mean deluding themselves that the more sexual partner is the one with something wrong with them); and<BR>B. Truly desire to work on doing whatever it takes to rekindle their desire to re-engage in a sexual relationship with their partner; and<BR>C. Get to work on it and stay with it.<BR><BR>Note those are "ands" not "ors".<BR>Unless the nonsexual partner is totally committed to steadfastly working on their problem and fixing it, then I believe it's hopeless, regardless of how kind, supportive, and thoughtful their more sexual mate is.

We can all hope...that costs us nothing....But until then....Say hello to my little friend( no I do not have toys...but he thought I did the other day....But then that is another story...loet us just say that the main charicter is one of those battery razzors packed in a backpack) it was funny then

i also have to say i have hope it will turn around... thats all i have ...

Do I think it is possible? Well, anything is possible. I may win the lottery or achieve a flat stomach again, too. I think in the vast majority of cases the union is a sexless one because one partner doesn't WANT to have sex. Overwhelmly because they have no libido, simple as that. There is nothing to "fix." Unless it is a health issue and something that one can perhaps do something about medically. Then they would still have to want to do something about it, go to the doctor, and follow through with treatment. Most of them won't change because they don't want to. They have no natural desire for sex or intimacy and don't give crap about what their partner needs to be a happy fulfilled person.

I have not had sex with my husband in a very long time. I hang on to hope every day. I may have to face the fact that we may never be able to have sex again. I hope our situation will turn around one day. Hope is all I have.

I'm not sure that there are too many who have regained all of what was lost, but there may be a few who have rekindled some of the spark because of the prospect of losing what has taken years to build. <br />
I agree that simply being provided for (as in having one's needs catered for) isn't the point, its actually being wanted and desired in return sexually and passionately. <br />
I had a chuckle about being on the list of things to do. My wife works out at the gym about four to five times a week. I had once mentioned (tactfully, I might add) that I would like sex to occupy equal ranking on her list of weekly commitments. Lets just say that an argument ensued in which she offered to give up going to the gym. So, notenough, I'd be careful in voicing comparisons with taking out the rubbish or your hubby might offer to stop taking it out instead (LOL).

An excellent question! I too have hope; can't fathom the thought of starting all over, as it takes so long to truly get to know someone and achieve intimacy. However, there was something magic between us, and I'm not sure we can regain that magic. But even a modest amount of sexual intimacy would be welcome. Yet I don't want to simply have her "provide" for me. That's where my hope tends to fizzle - I can't help but feel that, if sex returned, it would be grudgingly on her part.<br />
It would be nice to hear from some folks that regained fulfilling sex in their marriage after being sexless. Anyone out there?

I am not sure. I think for people who are in love with their spouses and have an attraction, then maybe it is just situational or a habit. We are all busy. People spend time online or watching tv and then too tired. In my case, my husband is verbally abusive on top of not having much sex drive. Frankly, after all the hostility, blame, and ordering constantly directed at me, I am not really sure I want to be with him in that way, especially since the initiation always falls on me.

I think even with the many different stories we have, the majority of us in this group still hope we can get the sex back into the marriage. Personally I'm with notenough, I still love my husband and can't imagine being without him (even if at the minute I have a list of household items I would like to through at his head). I guess with me it's the hope that this can be fixed that keeps me going. Maybe I'm being dumb, but, oh well.

I hope it can change!!! I can't think of being with anyone else but my husband! Even though our marriage isn't full of sex very little in fact i still look at him and i'm still totally turned on!!! how pathetic is that? I know he loves me-he would never be mean on purpose- i really don;t think he realizes HOW much this affects me and how much i think about it. Even though i tell him he hears- i want sex, give it to me now, i want more-- like i nag him to take out the trash(which he actually does EVERYDAY! -just an example-) If only i were the bag of garbage i'd get more attention! LOL!But him keeping sex from me is i feel, almost cruel- this has got to be fixed- i've just got to get him to realize how important sex is to me and how the lack of it is negatively affects our relationship!!! I'm staying hopefull.