A Letter You'll Never Read

When we met, I was truly overcome by how beautiful you were. Your warmth, your smile and your mischievous little grin. I loved the way you laughed and more the way you used to look at me like you were going to devour me...

How I miss those early times, that passion, excitement desire and simple enthusiasm for each other. At that point I could have conquered the world with you.

Remember when you enjoyed our bondage sessions. Remember how excited I got I could hardly walk out of the store for my hard on when we tried different ropes to see which you felt most comfortable with. At least I thought you did, but since then you've told me you only did it to please me.

I know I have done wrong by you too and I'm sorry for that. I don't know which came first, your lack of interest or my looking. All of a sudden we weren't what we were or should be. We were almost strangers living parallel lives in a shell of a home.

I know we got over that issue but the remnants of us just didn't fit together any more. I know we tried and occasionally it worked. I still love your smile, your love of life and your infectious good humour. I love the way you need me still and how it makes me feel to help you. I love to nurse you when you're ill but you tell me it's too much.

I tell you I fancy you, we have the house and time to ourselves. You always laugh it off and tell me "what's got into you" as you make your way to the bathroom or dinner or work or whatever takes you out of the moment.

You tell me that kissing really deep passionate kissing that you know I love makes you uncomfortable. I don't know why but we stopped doing that and gradually our sex life diminished to nought.

You tell me if I come to bed by xx, but not after and only in bed and I feel like an obedient dog if I acceded to your limits and tolerances. You tell me not to touch your *** because you don't like bums. I don't touch you there even though I think you have a great ***/bum. You complain that the last few times we tried sex it hurts you because of a condition, but yet you've done nothing about it. I am reduced to offering you light touches and caresses and occasional plays with your "wobbly bits" as we called them from the start. I never pursue it as I know you don't want to, you gave me no encouragement and so even that has diminished now.

You tell me not to disturb you as you have work tomorrow, I know you do and I really appreciate how hard you work. I worry about you working so long, so late, so hard. I worry about you driving home in the dark, or to work in the freezing conditions after a poor nights sleep. But most of all even when I hold you in my arms as you try to sleep I miss you and I miss us.

You tell me you don't enjoy playing like we did at the start, we're too old for all that and your not a young woman any more. But I think it's excuses for avoiding intimacy. You don't want dirty talk in bed or rough sex though you know that's what arouses me. You've known from the start and played along but not any more not for a long while now.

I've never pushed you into anything or tried to force my preferences, you know what I like and you don't want to play. Even when we did make love according to your limited criteria for it time, condoms, no dirty talk, no oral, no multiple ******* for you, you've only had a few in all our time together and I long to give you more and all the other baggage, positions, intensity, depth of penetration etc well you can imagine how I feel about it and how unfulfilled I am afterwards..

Where do we go from here?

An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Your words resonate ... so close to how I have felt about my H. Tried this and that, took the blame for not getting things right. So sad it is ... finding someone, loving, hoping, committing ... then being abandoned as a spouse (physically, emotionally). Take some time / space to feel your own emotions, and give them at least equal weight for hers. Imagine, how'd it be if she worried about / cared about you as you do for her? Seems like you are a giving man in many ways, and there are many women who'd appreciate that and reciprocate. Be kind to yourself. Best!

<p>The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out on the trail. Suddenly, they are surrounded by a large force of Arapaho.</p><p>"**** !! What'll we do now Tonto ?" asks the Lone Ranger.</p><p>Tonto replies "What you mean "we" Paleface ?"</p><p>
You, Mr "An EP User", are the Lone Ranger here. Your refusive Missus is Tonto.</p>

What happens to Christian in the r/l version of 50 Shades of Grey. Then he bails and goes back to his subbies. She's completely disconnected from your needs, and as someone wiser than me would say, there is no We in Where do I go from here.