Trying To Make Things Right In My Life.

Yea you!

How are you doing OS?

I understand your feelings. You posted on one of my anonymous stories. Sounds like we are in the same boat. I feel like I am living a double life, because none of my friends or coworkers know there is a problem. I do not let the lines get crossed. Perfect family in public, crumbling behind closed doors. The one friend who knows, has the answer of just leave, but doesn't take into account the feelings of my children and the strain of financial freedom.

You HAVE to take care of yourself as much as you do the kids. You have to learn what is important and what is just more work you are creating for yourself. I feel the biggest problem with many marriages is that the spouses lose who THEY are. The sole focus becomes the kids, the bills, the job and they lose THEMSELVES. Then the kids grow up and no longer need all your attention and you are lost. The husband/wife you have ignored all these years has changed and your no longer on the same page. You have grown apart. My experience tells me that you have to have your own FREE time for YOU and you have to allow your husband some time for him. In between you take care of the kids and you make time for the spouse. This is a fragile balancing act that needs to be walked or your marriage is doomed. This is of course my opinion. I am not a doctor and I am not a bricklayer. Just a common guy who has learned some of lifes lessons the hard way. : )

Wow, this is amazing. I am sorry you feel like you lost yourself & you don't like the person you became - I can sense (and empathize with) the pain you wrote out here. But the amazing thing is that you realized that you have the power to make it change. You are in the process of getting back to *you* and it will lead to incredible things.

Yes. I completely feel am lot of what you are talking about!

Wow.

I'm glad you are finding your way and I wish you become the happiness you seek.

I can somewhat understand. After 5 years of marriage, I convinced my wife to move to a small town and join my families business. It was a lodging business where we lived right at work and pretty much were involved in it 24 hours a day 7 days a week. We were always around each other. As you can imagine, the financial pressure and just the issue of always being around each other took it's toll. The work also took her away from many of the things that she loved to do in life. After 13 years in the biz we separated, now going on 2 years.
She lost much of who she was, what she loved, all to follow her husband. What I've learned is that it is important to focus on what you want to do in life, BUT, you must not lose sight of all that is going on around you.
It's too bad that your husband didn't recognize what you were going though or you were not able to talk about it with him. Maybe he could have sat-in for you a couple of times a week for you to do something or enjoy something. Even get a friend to come over a couple of nights a month to allow your husband and you to get away for a couple of hours...a date night.
You are strong...you are aware...you are willing...you are doing. Impressive.

This coming from a guy that lost sight of what was going on around him.

Thanks for this. I had wanted my wife to quit work when our baby was born. I am glad she stood her ground, especially after reading this. It sounds to me like you are on the right track. And, WOW, you are an amazing woman and much stronger than you think.

You wrote; "I've learned that the” unconditional love” I thought I knew, was nothing until I had my kids; to love so much that it hurts, I can’t explain it." I love to see that I am not alone in feeling this way!: ). When I was pregnant with my son, my husband, who had two kids already (with his ex wife) said to me, "I am excited for you because when our baby is born, you will know what love is really about." My response was, "what do you mean? I know what love is, as I love you!" He went on to say that I will learn alot about love, and will understand when our Angel Baby is born. Our son is 11 years old now. I certainly understand what Hubby was trying to explain. I had no idea how little I knew about true, sincere, unconditional love. My son taught me this. I have always had a hard time putting into words how much I love my son. My love for him is so strong. I feel it physically as well as emotionally. I have always said that I love my Angel Boy so much it almost hurts

You are brave to share your struggles & making efforts to take action balancing your life. I did stay home w/ my 1st two kids & had a business working from home so i do remember what that was like, but my ex-husband lost his job which pushed me back to the work force to bring home a better pay check to support the family while he was sitting on his butt playing video games & collecting unemployment...... We can be easily pushed down that bitter road......time went by and at the end of the day I've learned whether we are single parent or as a team, we need to be healthy w/ mental, spirit & physical & well rounded & maintain balance mainly that's how we set examples for the kids....how well we manage life & cope w/ crises ......your story touched me & brings back some painful memories. I'll cheer you on & pray for your success & that you'll meet your goals & keep them

Best!

Well done! Remember these times without bitterness and know that the changes that you make for yourself are not selfish, they are necessary. I am a mom of adult children now and am working , happy Healthy ( not always the case) and will always be grateful for decisions, although hard at the time to prepare for my own future. My daughters admire me and aspire to be like me. My marriage is definitely better all these years later and it's because I took time for myself and recognised the need to change as you have.
I wish you lots of love and success.

"I am doing this because I don’t like me, and I don’t like what life has turned me into, and I don’t want my daughter or son to think this is what life is all about."

this is the #1 reason in the world to change.

Sunday 10 am, half awake with only 4 hours sleep, my 2 children and I were freezing, sitting in church waiting for mass, I can't believe I got this done.
It wasn't easy but I did it, and I look forward to doing it again, and hopefully volunteering too.
First thing on my "to do list"........check.
Oh and I have started working out and boxing stuff, want the house sold by summer.
Thank you all.

Same here! Thank you for posting!

So true to so many of us mothers. Good for you to strive for better for yourself. Good luck darling I hope it all works out for you.

I am in the same boat. thanx. I am "rediscovering" myself.

Thanks for sharing... We have all been guilty of putting others needs in front of ours... I feel I lost myself in my marriage making sure I said the right things whether I believed in it or not, have dinner ready, do all chores expected of me all while working full time. Feels like the past 11 years of my life went by in a blink of an eye. Wishing you all the best as you rediscover yourself.

That was so hard for me too. I always put all their needs and happiness on my shoulders. I clean the house, pay the bills, mow the lawns and did nothing for myself.
I work part time now, I have a great relationship with my kids, I go to church and bible studies and am working on how I react to others.

Thanks so much for sharing.

touched by this genuine heartfelt story....perhaps at some point every women feel that way cause she compromise so much for her family at the cost of "self".This is woman....she knows that this would come in later stages still she makes same choices....I do not find reasons....does that mean " emotions" overpower her "self worth"? don't know

I don't know what to say. :'(

Wow,thts nyc evryone deserves to b happy

I understand how you feel ,but can no longer claim to contribute financially( for the last few years )
What i do feel is , what happened to ME , when i had kids ? I love my kids , and my husband , but where did i go ?

Hi I am guy but i can understand your story well.
I became stay home dad looking after 2 children 2010.
I found i lost myself and have become stuck at home..
my life seems have been forgot .
Read my blog if you like .
hope life get better
phil

A lot of it is being afraid of things and people being negative towards us when we mess up. your doing fine and don't need others approval :) its hard theirs just mean people out there

Awesome, OC!!! :) This is the path I started taking five years ago and I have to say -- I like me now. Course, you don't have to take as long as I did to get to that point -- we each have our own journey. BE the kind of woman you dream of being and watch life unfold - beautifully, naturally - but, of course, not without pain, heartache, and tough decisions. I get so flowery sometimes, but I have to remember -- some of the unfolding sucked. lol But, it's all worth it. Keep at it!

I like the way you started and ended your post - getting your life back, by turning the page and moving to the rest of the book. You've got a great attitude, and you're making things happen for yourself. You're a wonderful writer too, and I'm looking forward to reading your happy sequel!

Thank you for sharing your story! Even though I am not at the right age to give any advice, I hope that all of your goals this year will be achieved!!!

Awww, you're cute as a button, don't be so hard on yourself. Just because your body changes a bit due to having kids, doesn't mean you become ugly. Trust me, most men are not like what you think.

It's good to see you to start doing things for yourself. I've always said to survive in a SM if your stay, this is what has to be done. Hope things continue to get better for you.