I Can'T Do It

There's no one responsible for your happiness but you. Trust me I've been there, had my wife doing the whole I love you but I'm not in love you song and dance, cut me off from sex, was going to leave me, the whole nine yards, then I changed everything about me I thought was wrong, flailed around, sulked, felt sorry for myself etc.

Here's a shortcut back.

Just live your own life starting right now.

Right now!

Be happy, forget that she wont have sex with you, figure out who you are and what you want and then immediately work on getting there, workout if you want, read a book if you want, go fly kites if that's what you want. This is attractive to women, just be yourself totally and stop giving a flying crap about her so much, do for her what you WANT to do and what you FEEL like doing and do NOTHING else, do not try and please her at all past what you FEEL like doing.

Try this for two weeks and I bet you notice her notice you again and here's the rub, DO NOT let her back in the first time she responds, go on with your OWN LIFE, DO NOT rebuff her but don't go panting after her just because she opens her legs either, if you want to have sex take your time, don't jump, let her come to you, if she doesn't fine if she does make sure she knows you'll take whatever it is you want and that this will make you happy but otherwise thanks DO NOT CHASE HER!

Women pursue that which they think has other options, so get other options. The sexiest thing a guy can do is be himself and be ok with it, you have to realize this is your only best option with her or without her, if she leaves you, she leaves, have other options, if she stays, make it on your terms.

It's not about being a jerk, it's about setting your foot down and saying this is me, this is what I want this is who I am, glad to have you if you want, if not, fine.

"built our life, and now life is missing." Gotta love this quote.

I would have loved a part-time happy dad instead of a full-time looks happy but is angry and sad inside dad.

For what it is worth, being a part time father can be great. Life is supposed to be more than "work and home", and you cant go through life that way. Picture vacations with just you and your boy. Picture being happy in your own apartment, decoating your kids room. Picture Sunday brunch (albeit every other Sunday) with you and your kid together, answering to no one. You can make breakfast,, you can take him out, you can go catch a game last minute. Your time with him is now totally yours, you answer to no one.



Think about this - if you are experiencing life as numbing and a jail sentence, why do you think it is any better for your kid? Maybe you are liberating him for whatever time you get him for, and he will be healthier for it. Surrounded by Silence is no way for a kids life to be. They need noise and happiness around them.

Yep, it is one hell of a Catch 22 if, you will be the part-time or no-time dad depending on how agreeable your spouse is or isn't. You already know you can't stay forever, now work on a timeframe you can live with. It all points to leaving in any case. Keep working on yourself and asking the hard questions. Good luck. Stick around here, it will help.

so sorry and I know how you feel. cyber hugs

Quoting you here - "I've done it all. I've changed everything. I've been everything. I feel there's no hope" -

So you have exhausted all possible avenues over which you had control.

Yet you say - "I guess I've failed"

How do you figure ? If you have done all the work, exhausted all avenues over which you have control, then you have discovered the core truth of your marriage, then that is a huge SUCCESS.

But it is also, a stage on the journey. Now you KNOW, so now what are you going to DO about it ?

Suggestion - search for a story "You Can Pay Now - The Kids Can Pay Later" and have a read, particularly the comments. It deals with the concept of "staying for the kid - or leaving for the kid. It might help you challenge your thinking about this issue.

Tread your own path.

Brother2fillthevoid you are way too young to put up with this sh...it. Man you have options here? As for part time father have you had any legal advice on anything?

I would suggest that you stop cleaning the house and subsidising any housework you do for her.

The longer you stay in this situation the worse it will become. You already say you have hate. Give it a few more years at your young age you will turn into a hateful person that hates everything.

I would suggest that you try and make change in your life while you are still young. But hey its your life and we can only offer an opinion.

Your too young to throw in the towel to her brother.

Stay Strong & Good Luck