Tell Me Again...... how feelings and emotions are not an accurate indicator of how I am doing.
I am out, "officially" for about a week (that's when he also accepted we are done). Before that it was... a week, two weeks? And months and months and also a couple years of me knowing we are leading to divorce.
So, my emotions are all over the place. I am an emotional person, but this is insane, even for me. One day I am ecstatic that I get to put my toothbrush in a drawer (my new "home") - the next day I am tearful as I go shopping and don't have to buy his things - the day after that I am thrilled about cooking a dinner I love in a beautiful kitchen with a view - and the day after I am sad about getting more settled in my new space. Then there are loss of the dog moments. Today I passed PetSmart and remembered how my dog would ride in the seat next to me, his head on my arm, looking up at me so trusting and expectantly, as if asking, "Where we goin', huh????" He had a "pawdicure" every month at PetSmart. There are times I think I have to go home to visit and spend time with him - but nope. Then I remember. And then ALL the losses kinda flood at me.
When will it stop? OMG. Roller coaster.
He has been calm and texting me - he said I can live there "It's safe, I won't bug you" he said, so I can save money. But, I wouldn't want to do that. We are working very amicably on financials. I am surprised.
Presently I am calm. Working a bit more focused these days, staying caught up with deadlines. (good thing, I need to keep my job!!) This weekend my roommate and I are going to go out to dinner and catch live music somewhere. Should be fun.
But, I would just like to be told again how feelings, (doubt, euphoria, sadness, etc.) are not actual indicators of how well I am doing. When I look at the big picture -- when I reflect on our life -- I know this is right. I made an INFORMED decision. I just need to keep pressing on... one day we will BOTH be happy again .............