About To Start My Plan

So Sunday night big fight. To the point that I pointed out we don't actually have a relationship. And he (once again) said he's just waiting for me to call the cops and lie and say he threatened me to 'screw him over.' I mean really? He honestly believes I would do that? I asked him that, he said yes, so I said then I guess we are done because I can't be with someone who thinks I would do something like that. He left 'for a walk' meaning the smoking he restarted years ago. I went to bed. He came home and apologized. Was very apologetic mon night, we got along mon, tues, and wed. Then blow up again tonight, we were talking and I thought he seemed receptive. So I decided to bring up my hurt that he hadn't been bothered to help me by checking my truck a few weeks back. And boom, we are back to fighting with him saying I am trying to turn that into something it's not. And demanding I apologize, since I 'made' him apologize the other night(wtf!?!?). I told him to get stuffed, I'm not apologizing for sharing my feelings. He went to bed, I am still up. (His) Dog has vet appt at 8:30 that I will take him to and pay for. Then I have a hair appt, because I'm doing something for me damnit! And I am calling the lawyer for a consult and making a therapist appt. Step one tomorrow!
Solonely80 Solonely80
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 25, 2013

"he's just waiting for me to call the cops and lie and say he threatened me to 'screw him over.'"

I got similar types of wild accusations that had nothing to do with how I had ever treated him or ever would treat him; I learned that they really are not seeing who we are (possibly never did); likely some throwback to his abusive childhood (in my case).

It really is a testament to how they cannot trust or love at all, because they don't see a loving person when they look at us, they see a battle instead.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head

good luck .... sounds like you are both very unhappy...sounds to me like he is starting the fights so that you will take the first steps in ending the relationship ..as you have done...he doesnt have it in him to actually end it so hes going to keep pushing you so that you do it. ..and to be honest it sounds like one of you needs to take that first step or your just going to keep on going around in circles

I know I am unhappy, and I know he should be, and yet he always talks about the future as if we'll always be together. I don't get it?

he doesnt really want you to split up, thats why he wont make the first move, he wants things to change but doesnt know how to change them any more than you do. he probably feels the same way as you...a little lost and alone, when two best friends fall out how do sort it out?...maybe some counselling will help you both?

Tried that for a year. He refuses to believe there's anything wrong with him. I guess depending on your definition there may not be, but it definitely makes us incompatible.

then maybe splitting up is the best thing then...you may both be happier and actually find you get on better not having the weight of a relationship to worry about. i wish you the best of luck

Thanks. I will make my plan, then give him the talk one last time. I've been clear about my needs from day one but he obviously doesn't believe I was serious about the need part

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Oh, and I thought I'd figured out the phenomenon of the Sunday fights, because was back when a friend suggested I try to schedule sex. I picked Sundays and told him that. That was a year or two ago and we have never had sex on a Sunday since. But I have felt his anxiety on Sundays. Actually last Sunday I was going to try and initiate sex in the am, he even went and had a shower when I hinted at it. But he still hasn't spoken to me about the letter I wrote him asking him to explain his feelings about sex, and I just couldn't do it. So we lay there awkwardly for about an hour with our legs touching, then he left the room.