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I Can'T Get No .... Satisfaction

At home....

A four-foot chasm occupies the space between my shivering body and my husband's warm, sturdy, frame. We sleep on opposite edges of the king-sized bed.  THIS is a vast improvement over the past 15 years -- when we slept on separate floors. 

If, in the middle of the night, I chance to feel an outstretched arm reaching to draw me near, I feel.... fury.  I comply, but my overarching emotion as I dispassionately observe my husband approach his zenith is:  WHY is it, that the only way I ever get to feel any warmth from this human body is -- when it's pounding away its need at me?!  Hurry up, PLEASE.  I want my covers back.

In my hotel bed....

You couldn't insert a strand of hair between my lover's taut, coiled body and my pliant, supple, curves.  Unlike my husband, who has never spent more than the 5 minutes it takes to complete a sexual interlude, undressed -- my lover always sleeps in the buff.  At first, I found that quite shocking.  Titillating.  What if a fire broke out and we had to make a run for it?!  Time & kisses calmed those anxieties, chasing them away with ... arousal.  My lover cuddles me constantly, hands easily draped in the most intimate of spaces, often with absolutely no demands -- so I feel no resentment when caresses become more....

But tonight, I feel ... irritation.  I want to shift position.  How can he lie with his arms around me like this for so long?!  Sweat builds between my back and his torso.  Can't he FEEL that?  OMG.  WHY must we always be skin to sticky skin!?  Suddenly, I'm panicked.  I need air.  He's TOO close.  I'm too confined.  WHY CAN'T HE SLEEP ON HIS OWN DAMNED SIDE OF THE BED?!

... and then it hits me.  Maybe there's just no pleasing me.  Maybe I'm doomed to eternal dissatisfaction...?
Colormevibrant Colormevibrant 46-50, F 4 Responses Jan 25, 2013

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It's been below zero with windchills where I live. Even with a wood burning stove and supplemental oil heat, the house is cold, and seems even colder in the middle of the night. We don't sleep close to each other in our Queen Size Bed. However, when he is cold, he will reach for my hand ... that's it ... and then let go when he starts snoring. He has already declared that he doesn't feel anything with me ... sexually... I don't turn him on.... he harbors a few Cialis pills from 2009 in the medicine cabinet. Strange but true, and no figuering this out except that we share financial responsibilites and a marriage bed without love or intimacy..... I know the intimacy you speak about .. I experience that with another person.... that is true ... this is false.

I don't know how I missed this comment! I'm so sorry about your marital situation. Thank you, reflections.... you understand me.... :-)

The marriage bed shouldn't be a place of discord, and unfortunately, it has been for me. I believe when two people want to be together, they conform to each other naturally, without thought or acrobatic maneuvers.

I slept in the guest room last night because my back has been hurting in the sleep number bed that we paid a fortune for and doesn't adjust anymore. Actually, it was his suggestion so my back doesn't hurt. However, this morning, we both admitted we had a very good sleep in separate beds. I stay up later than him and he said he didn't wake up when I came to bed and rested all night. I admit, I rested more sleeping alone. So here I am going through the motions of marriage when we don't share a bed or intimacy. These things mean a lot to me, and I know they do to you as well. Hope we both find our happiness all in one place

Hmmm. Have a read on something called the "coolidge effect". It may or may not resonate with you, but I see hints of this in effect in your story.

How very interesting! :-) Thanks for the suggestion. The research is intriguing. Definitely food for thought...

Nope - you are normal. Don't we all dream of the night in our lovers arms - only to find you get a shoulder ache doing that - or a sweaty back?

How lucky though to have had the will to find these truths in this way.

lol! Grass greener & all that? Perhaps you're right. I think what I've found most of all is -- there's simply no "perfection." Perhaps that's a good thing -- giving us perpetually something to strive for.

Yes to your point it is a fine line between striving and being happy in the journey and being dissatisfied.

I say go with happy - climb on

There's perfect imperfection though. :-)

Mine sleeps with his arms around me too. When one of us feels the need to stretch or change position, we do. When we feel the need to cuddle again, we do. Just assert your needs and desires.

It could just be that simple, couldn't it? *shrug* Having "spooning" be a concept witnessed heretofore only on tv, I've been somewhat awkward about catching on to the rules -- or lack thereof. But I'm learning!