MomentumFor so long I merely existed. The years dragged on and nothing changed, nothing happened. I tried to please my refuser, he was never pleased. It became our routine. I would talk to friends and hear about new things they were trying, opportunities they were excited about, and it just seemed foreign. I can remember on a number of occasions being struck by how quickly other peoples lives seemed to move. Now I realize that it is because I wasn't living.
Since I filed for divorce things are happening, I have some forward momentum and I love it. However, my refuser is doing everything in his power to stop it. If you've read my past stories you know I am stuck living with him. Tonight I again broached the subject of a parenting plan. A schedule we could initiate now and continue once we are living separately. He, in true form, refused. He said, "You take care of the kids and I work, that is our arrangement". When I pointed out that he would need to learn to take responsibility for the children he said, "I'll take responsibility for the kids when you take responsibility for the mortgage". In truth, I can not force him to do anything. I feel defeated, like he is taking my life back. Tomorrow is a big day of figuring out how to not rely on him for ANYTHING, even the welfare of his children.