Maybe Not For Me?

I would start this by saying , she will have sex if I ask and she is feeling ok.
She just has no desire for me. No touching or hugging or sitting beside me etc.
We used to have a good sex life. Now it is just as if she's just doing me a favor.
So I have gotten where I rarely even ask.
It would be nice to have someone that wanted me.
Don't want to ramble on here.Maybe you guys have it worse than me, if your partner says no.
watsup45 watsup45
51-55, M
4 Responses Jan 26, 2013

I think I understand you very well. However, my wife was all for smooching and hugging provided no "dirty body part" became involved. And she seldom flat-out refused, but that was hardly material, once she gave that "surely you are joking, you had an ****** only six days back" or "don't you have slides to make for your upcoming talk" or "a root canal would be so much more fun" look. I am dense, but eventually even dense hornies will get the hint. These borderline root-canal types make it very difficult to assign ownership of failed marriages (if it matters to you). You may be dead and playing the harp and still thinking "if only I were a little more enterprising..."

Unfortunately yours is a WAY too common story ....
I've been married 23 years and spend LOTS of time doing stuff with the guys, mostly b/c there's nothing going on in the bedroom to stay home for. I'd LOVE to leave and find someone that wants me, but I also have a 14 year old son to consider.
My wife's OBGYN suggested testosterone, but she won't fill the Rx and try it ;
I wish you luck.
Have you considered sex therapy ?

Not sure about therapy. One of ours probably broke a code of professional conduct when he chuckled and asked what's the hurry, why didn't we wait to go to him until we retired. Cruel, but hit home.

She seems to feel that at our age , early 50's we don't need sex
I know that many years ago , I was involved in looking at **** . I guess I felt lonely then.
This offended her greatly and deepened the gap between us in intimacy. We do get along very well, if you dont count the intimacy area, so I don't know

I am on the opposite side of that story. I don't feel like having sex with my husband. It started two years ago, things just got detached feeling. He is as hot as ever, but being with him feels more familial than anything.

I have talked to him about this, I am trying to make him realize that a sexless marriage isn't a healthy one, especially as he still wants sex from me, and I still want sex, just not with him. He doesn't want to see that, he is in denial and is trying to remain happy.

It sounds like she might be going through something similar? You should instigate a nice deep conversation about this. Let her open up and talk about why she doesn't seek you out anymore. It might be something that is workable, but if it isn't, neither of you should continue to suffer in an unhappy/non-intimate relationship. There are so many more people out there to love, people who will fit you wonderfully.

Seems we don't all look at life the same way. In the process of making yourself happy , I think you can make other unhappy. I suppose you have to strike a balance somewhere

I agree , the word balance can b a joke . I don't want to hurt my wife , though I do at times . But struggling to find happiness.

You are poetic
I have to live with what I have.
Stuck in the trap you so eloquently described

So, iris, tell me - Why do you not want to have sex with this man who loves you so much? Have you simply extracted all the benefit you wanted, and now he is of no more use to you, and consequently you have no desire for him? Or did he betray you? Hurt your kids? Have sex with your sister or something? I can't help but feel sorry for him, and disdain for you. My most earnest hope for you is that you realize that, when you do divorce, you should really not get much, as you are preying upon this man. I don't know what he is like, but, if it is as you have described...just be sure to be fair to him and honor human dignity, rather than rip out not only his heart, hopes, and dreams but also all of his finances. To do all four of those...well, I don't know what to say without being a very extreme judge.

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