Sitting Here On A Saturday Night ...Wife has gone to bed. I'm zoning out, listening to music, watching reruns of Mad Men, a little buzzed.
I used to participate in this group a while back at SolitaryMan, and now I'm back.
My marriage is still sexless, still in limbo, and I'm still unhappy and unfulfilled. We've had "the talk" a few times now. We know what the problems are, or at least we know where they start. They started with her not wanting sex anymore, not wanting intimacy anymore. But they're now my problems, too. My inability to do anything about them. My fatigue in trying to do something about them. My cowardice in making any big statements or drawing that final line in the sand.
And right now it's my cowardice that is killing me. Well, the lack of intimacy and sex is killing me, too, but my cowardice is keeping me from the intimacy. It's odd how one's whole take on humanity sours when you're dying for the touch of another human being. Everyone and everything has a shadow over it. In my opinion, touch and passion are essential to life ... like water and food and music and a snort of fine bourbon (granted ... the latter is an acquired taste). But for some people it isn't. So how do you stay married to someone who doesn't find the touch of a human being essential to life?
I'm not here for sympathy, because I don't really deserve it. I've put myself in this position. I'm also not here for advice, because I know what I should do. I'm here to be heard and to feel like I'm not alone, because that give me the strength to get through another day and try to find my way out of this.
Thanks for listening to me ... let me know if I can ever return the favor.