Am I Considered A Refuser Too?So I have been married for 20 years, of which we have RARELY had s**. Consistently, it was only within the first year of our marriage that we had what I would consider "normal" intimate relations. Since then its been years. I have spoken to him about this numerous times, of which he says he would like to have s** more too, although it never happens. I am the one that always brings up the problem, I have also told him several times that I prefer he initiates s** (because 1. I have just never felt comfortable within our relationship to initiate it myself--except when I was trying to get pregnant--to which he would comply but acted like it was a sense of duty instead of any enthusiasm & 2. Because outside the bedroom I manage EVERYTHING in our lives--where we go on vacation, who our doctors are, the bank we use, the restaurants we eat at, the food/brand we buy....etc.....he doesn't want to be involved in any decisions---so in ONE area I would like to be taken care of & have him initiate SOMETHING---he says ok, but then never initiates).
On a side note, I have found out that he watches p*** (of which I suspect may have been going on for awhile), watches s**cam websites (no idea what all goes on there), & has visited a "happy ending" massage parlor "on accident" (even though everyone in our town I've came into contact with knows whats up with the place, & the fact that he was born & raised here makes it hard to believe he didn't know what that place actually was. He works out of town a lot so he has opportunity if he wishes to cheat.
My question, among anything else you might wish to comment on here about:
Am I considered a refuser because I've told him I want him to initiate? The few times he has initiated I responded with enthusiasm & have NEVER refused him?