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Tarnished Band

A few years ago I noticed my husband was no longer wearing his wedding band. To be honest he never wore it during the week due to the nature of his job but he always wore it on the weekends, especially on Sunday. So after several months of this I asked what was the deal? He said that he had not seen it since the move and thought it got lost/misplaced then. So, since I still had the receipt from our original purchase, I went and brought him another one for our anniversary. I noticed it didn't get much play time either. Like Tebow it sees more time on the bench than in the game. I underwent surgery and had to remove my ring in the process. I decided not to put it back on. I mean there's no intimacy, no sex, no joint activities....I kept this up for several months until a co-worker asked about my ring. I didn't want to be the topic of water cooler gossip, so I put it back on.

Today in church a glint caught my eye and I cast a sideways glance towards my husband and we was wearing his ring. It believe it has been at least over two years since I've seen the ring on his finger. Our conversations have been strained at best since the Christmas holiday experience. It's difficult having mindless elevator conversations with your "spouse". I don't know what the purpose of putting the ring on was...but it is waaaay too little and waaaay too late. A ring doesn't make a relationship actions do. And the blatant actions from the holidays and the cold spell have made a statement that is loud and clear and most importantly - I heard it.

No matter what the jeweler says, gold can tarnish.
vecca vecca 46-50 4 Responses Jan 27, 2013

Your Response


My soon to be ex use to play games with her wedding rings. Everytime we would have an arguement she would take it off and not wear it.

This was her Passive Aggressive Nature at its best. It use to bother me but once i started to disengage and not give a she stopped doing it.

Its all a mind game and power play. The best way to deal with these people is to ignore them and look after number 1.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

You do seem to be picking at the periphery of the core problem, with the oblique 'message' concerning your ring - which, as soon as an opportunity resulted to tell someone that all was not well in the union - you backed up at speed from.

Refusive types are NOT reknown for their ability to pick up on subtle hints. Hell, they are not reknown for being able to pick up on a full on frontal assault for that matter !!

You have heard HIS rather unsubtle actions of christmas.

The obligation of choice thus resides with you now.

Tread your own path.

Yes, I have heard it. I have begun to make the physical arrangements of departing....the beginning stages of untangling assets

I'm curious. Are you male of female? I only ask because of your avatar being "male", but the story sounding distinctly female. No judgement, by the way!

female. I wasn't sure how I wanted my avatar to be when I first joined - I was nervous / skeptical I guess

Oh, I see. Fair enough. Your writing is very feminine so I just assumed so.

any woman who can make a football joke is a keeper, and I'm sorry that he doesn't see that. In reading this and your other stories I wondered when was the last time the two of you had a real talk about the state of the union?

I LOVE football...sitting here bored to death right now because there's none to watch. This administration has not held a State of the Union address in several years. We have chosen to just let the sleeping dog lie - being lulled into complacency by the fact that the atmosphere is not acrimonious.

Even though it's hard, I would ask "do you still want to be married to me?" while having eye contact and let the words and body language tell the story, and it will likely be painful, sorry.

To shake things up, I tried the sleeping upside down (another story of yours) for a couple of nights. She had me stop it but it didn't restart anything. I did the no-wear-the-ring until a woman 15 years younger than I hit on me at work, and I realized I was both playing with fire and misleading others.