It'S Been 4 Months!

I think the Tori Amos song " China" best describes how I feel in my Sexless marriage.
" Your right next to me,but I need an Airplane" Give it a listen you'll connect with it instantly.
So here's my story if you care to listen. I dated my husband for ten years before we got married. It was the classic boy next door story. It was the 90's and he was in a garage band resembling Kurt Cobain. I had a crush on him at first sight! Being my brothers best friend he was always around. I was 15 and he was 17. And we've been together ever since. I
I was raised with the core values to wait until marriage to have sex. I successfully got to age 23. We were both each others first and from then on out we couldn't keep our hands off one another ! We were married two years later and moved in together. Things were great for the first year.
Slowly but surely our love making became few and far in between. It felt scheduled and no where near spontaneous.
To make a long story short 5 years of marriage in and we have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky and right now we're in the longest stretch so far @ 4 months.
I will tell you that I constantly feel rejected and undesirable. I'm a very sexual person and have not felt like myself in a very long time. I recently told my Husband I feel as though I'm waiting for my life to start.
I love my husband very much and he loves me. I know he's not gay or cheating on me, so please don't mention that as a possibility. We get along great " Best friends " he is my soul mate and I would never leave him.
About six or more months ago I did find a prescription for suboxon a med that helps you ween yourself off of painkillers and he's apparently been taking this for 5 or so years. The same amount of time it's been since our love life has become nonexistent . This drug decreases sex drive among other possible side effects. Well needless to say I was furious! All these years of feeling alone,ugly,undesirable,like this was some how my fault. After cooling down I did forgive him for keeping this from me and realized this was a good first step to the road to a heathy marital sex life. He is currently cutting back his doses and I'm going with the Glass half full way of thinking.
If anyone else can relate with my story and provide and support it would be welcomed.

Thank you for listening it feels better just talking about it.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 27, 2013

I can't relate to the drug use/recovery part of your story personally but I just wanted to give a shout of encouragment your way and his. I have many friends that have overcome drug addiction (including suboxon- and I've heard it's h e l l to kick!) and truly hope his recovery is a smooth one (as smooth as it can be).
Since that seems like it will be front and center for the both of you, and will very likely put sex on the back burner- I do wish nothing but good for you during this time.

One more thing, I recall one of my good friends saying that when he was weaning off the subs- sex was a lifesaver and he could org asm extremely easily and very frequently. Pass that tidbit along to your husband and just perhaps sex won't have to be on the back burner right now.

Thank you for your kind words and support its much appreciated.