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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Frustrated Newlywed Part: Iii

By: InquiringMinds247
Written on January 28th, 2013
Age: 26-30 , Female
853 people have read this story

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34 responses
  • boomer58

    Sorry to say but sound like he is not worried about the situation or doesn't care

    Feb 6
    1 like
  • Steveva49

    Encourage your husband to try a penis pump for ED. Suggest that you do the pumping and tell him you want to film it. Excite him with the idea that you are watching an intimate thing. THEN, if nothing happens I'd wonder whether he has any interest at all in having sex.

    Jan 29
    1 like
  • Frustrated1978

    judging by his reaction it would seem a relief that he will be rid of you. He has clearly shown that he is not intrested one iota in fixing this very real issue and has instead taken the stuff you approach.

    I suggest you take the same stuff you approach to him as well.

    Stay Strong & Good Luck

    Jan 28
    2 likes
  • happinesswinsxx

    Many have covered the same things i would have said.....it's only going to get worse if he has that attitude.
    He has to want to have sex for the pills to work, so the problem is his attitude towards the situation.
    It is a cruel thing to have to take a pill to do what you should be able to do on your own , but it's a fact that many men have to deal with, and many more will find themselves in this position.
    When it comes to cost , in Australia, a 12 pack is $185. $85 after insurance .
    Sometimes only half a pill is all they need.
    This is not a huge cost when you consider all the money spent by women , on tampons etc over a lifetime ! What about getting our hair done, nails done, waxing , shaving,makeup, ,etc,etc in order to keep ourselves in good shape, not only for us but for our partners?
    4 months and 18 days is still only early days in dealing with this , it can take time to adjust. The thing that matters is, he has to . I'm sure that he hates discussing this with anyone ( and there can be many causes , mental health being a big one )and i'm sure he would rather you never mention it.....well that was never going to be the case.
    Whatever path you take , i wish you lots of luck.

    Jan 28
    2 likes
  • bazzar

    It's as done as can be.

    Only thing left to do is dismantle it.

    Tread your own path.

    Jan 28
    1 like
  • prbcrn79

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I've read your stories and I feel your pain. I have never really enjoyed sex with my husband. He's a great guy, but bed sucks. Hate to say that, but true. Sorry :( and best of luck.

    Jan 28
    1 like
    • shellybell1709

      Tell him what you want... Duh or he will love his whole life thinking he knows what he's doing.

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • prbcrn79

      Oh he knows. We have had many long conversations about it. It goes much deeper than that.

      Jan 28
      1 like
  • mvcmvc

    -----"He told me that “he didn’t want me to feel trapped or doomed” and that he wants me to be happy and if that is letting me go then he would do that."
    Taking into context your back stories and this one - you made a mistake in marrying this man. It happens.You, however, can correct this.
    Good to see that you are seeing a lawyer.
    Do not ruminate about this any longer. He is dishonest.
    Spend not one more moment of your precious sexuality or time on him. Cease all intimate interactions.
    He is not appropriate husband material for you.

    Jan 28
    4 likes
    • shellybell1709

      I think you're right and his response is almost that of a person who has either found someone else or is just interested in someone not like her. Doesn't mean you are not amazing it just means you are not meant for him.

      Jan 28
      1 like
  • lonewolf2060

    I don't know what he is talking about. I have taken the little blue pill and drank. It is true they will only give you 6 pills At a time but have a few refills. There Re Lso other pills he can take that Re natural and get them from GNC that work great and sometimes better then the blue pill. So there has to be something going on with him

    Jan 28
    1 like
  • zsuzsilowinger

    OK, listen up:

    If the guy cannot "get it up", there are OTHER WAYS he could go about having sex with you.

    If he's not willing to go to the doctor, not willing to be honest, not willing to pleasure you the myriad other ways we women can be pleasured, not willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you are happy -

    THIS IS NOT ABOUT ED!!! This marriage failed because of dishonesty and selfishness (on his part).

    Good for you for getting out quick. I am sorry about your child, but if you had stayed and become more and more depressed, for example, that would have harmed your child far worse than what is going to happen. If you need some help, why not seek out the advice of a child psychologist specializing in divorces? They may be able to help you figure out how best to break the news.

    Jan 28
    8 likes
    • InquiringMinds247

      Thank you for your response, my mother is a Nurse in Mental Health and she said that she would ask one of her doctors what is the best way to explain to him. thanks again

      Jan 28
      1 like
  • GibbySan

    "I don’t know if anyone knows what it is like to be all hot and ready"

    Yep, all 35,000 or so of us.

    BTW, your husband and mine are much alike. Only it took me 21 years to figure out my husband's ED was psychological.

    Your insurance isn't screwing up your marriage, your husband is. Those little blue pills don't work, either, if his brain is screaming at him that he doesn't want sex, so just consider it money saved that would have otherwise been wasted.

    As for the poster that said "sex isn't everything", he has no idea what he's talking about. Good for you for realizing that this is a MAJOR issue. I had to laugh when you said "It's been 4 months and 18 days" because I've been living with this crap for 22 YEARS.

    Give yourself a pat on the back for knowing it's time to cut your losses, because things will only get worse from here.

    Do a search for passive-aggressive behavior and you may well find your husband described there.

    Jan 28
    5 likes
  • experienceman11

    You need to do what makes you happy. If you show your happy, your son will be happy! Good luck with everything!

    Jan 28
    2 likes
  • LG76

    wow...so sorry...don't know what else to say....

    Jan 28
    1 like
  • Gopatsgo

    Good luck, he sounds like a dead beat for a lack of a better term. The honeymoon sounded so boring, but I guess you all probably lived together for a few years before you married

    Jan 28
    1 like
  • FragmentisPoetae

    so you are leaving him because theres no sex? am i right? sex shouldnt be the centre point of a relationship in my own view, but on the other hand,, if he is just cool with you leaving him, i wonder if he isnt having an affair? im not saying he is, but i wouldnt care if my gf left me if i had someone else either LOL... telling the child isnt so bad... remmeber, 80% of his friends mothers and fathers arent together either, so it wont affect him now, do i thing it affects them later? yes, sorry to say so but yes. my mother and father split up, and today i cant trust someone if they tell me they wont leave me, i am in a 4 year relationship and i still wonder if she will stay. its kaka, but yep.

    Jan 28
    1 like
    • InquiringMinds247

      Yes no sex...and I don't know if it will effect him my son tremendously he is not his biological father and his biological father is active in his life. But my son is so wise for his age he loves the whole "Family idea" and is always game for family time....

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      well it is a great thing that his father is active in his life! that should stay as is. but yes, family time is good for children and i believe that children should have that. i dont think its good to introduce him to new males in his life from here on if they arent going to stay though. he should also see loyal relationships, the meaning of a promise and a healthy stable parnership between two people. so yeah thats it i think :P

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      chuck it then, if sex is the center point -screw loyalty and partnership plus friendship all together :) you know... they say marry your best friend, this means that there is an emotional connection. i never heard them saying marry your fuckbuddy. :) sorry for the ugly word. lets take it like this, if sex is your center point, it leaves no room for the emotional part witch is core value. i am not saying sex cant contribute to emotional health in relationships, but i am saying that it wont be the thing keeping the marriage on the plus side.. :D you can have sex without having any emotional attachment to that person.

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      ifoundmehere... i can see your point, but if your man didnt want to sleep with you i can surly understand why...hahaha im just pulling youre leg, i feel for you, i think for someone to feel unloved in that way can be destructive to their self image or what ever part of them is being effected by this. i can understand the humanly need for that type of connection seeing as for some people in loving relationships it brings them closer also on a emotional level. did i say you married your fuckbuddy? i dont think i did :) PS i have never lied along side a 'man' if you know what i mean :P , but the argument was if sex is the middle point or not. you said yes, i said no. so we are free to post our own opinions here, not? you decided to take me on about it, i see where you are coming from but the argument stays the same. plus alot of people have sex without emotional connections, and no that wasnt a question, it was a statement. for me personally, i dont know why a man whould stop making love or having sex with his wife. the only thing i can geuss is that there is something affecting him inside and is taking away his sex drive, that sickness where they cant have an erection or something, or where he is gay or having an affair. or his wife is ugly to him or something, i really dont know in this case, all i can say is that for everybody its different and the reasons arent the same, thats why there alot of us on these posts, we all have our own perceptions ect. now please add me on your circles so i can taunt you on other topics as-well :) LOL

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      and finely you cave into my opinion (yay i knew i would win, even if its just in my own mind) LOL see you round ;) PS i wasn't offended

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      not to mention a leaky ceiling ;P --- funny

      (broken home) --- not so funny

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      she cant do that to me... she wont... no no... never say such things again... ever... LOL!

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      LOL!!! i can see it now, i will attack the first person i see on a site that says anything remotely different to what i wanted them to say :D

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      ;) it was like a tiger out of no where... (reminds me of this one clip i saw lol) no i can not expose who i am, then you will never look at superman the same... i dont want to blow that for you

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • FragmentisPoetae

      plus... sorry everyone for being rude, but i am trying to be nice to this lady so she would add me, i am forced to chat here publicly now.

      Jan 28
      1 like
    7 More Replies
  • InquiringMinds247

    Any thoughts on how you tell an 8 yr old that Mommy is not going to be married to her husband anymore because _________(fill in the blank)

    Jan 28
    1 like
    • TrulyMadlyDeeply38

      I would line up all the ducks, have a solid action plan in place, before saying anything to child.

      Certainly they sense when things are off. And if he notices, you can *acknowledge* that you are preoccupied because you're thinking about some things (or something to that effect). They seem to want to make sure you're okay. My daughter notices, and keeps telling me that I need a hug. Pretty sweet.

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • Maleficent77

      because sometimes adults make mistakes. When we got married we thought we would be a good couple but as it turns out we are not. We are splitting up so everyone can be more happy and we know that you will be happier if mommy is not in a bad mood all of the time. It's going to be hard but we can all get through this together.

      Can you tell I've been practicing this speech?

      Jan 28
      1 like
    • notmytime

      Because even though mommys's try really hard, sometimes we make mistakes and I now know that "husband" and I are better friends than we are husband and wife.

      Jan 28
      1 like
  • Oldandgone

    That is the best plan. Put this marriage out of its misery quickly and humanely before two people get hurt and long before any kids get involved (yes it manages to happen even in very long term sexless marriages).

    Jan 28
    4 likes