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Frustrated Newlywed Part: Iii

Well everyone I am back from my cruise. I went on my cruise with the intentions of not having any expectations. Overall the cruise was nice but it felt like I was on a cruise with a good friend and not my husband and lover. I tried to be jolly, and patient and everything thing else and then from Saturday to Monday nothing remotely romantic or intimate had taken place. Now Monday was a day at the sea for those who have never been on a cruise that is when you are cruising all day and night no stops till the next morning. So with that said there is “NO EXCUSE”. Needless to say I sat my husband down on Monday and told him that I wanted an annulment. I don’t even think that he was surprised by my request. He told me that “he didn’t want me to feel trapped or doomed” and that he wants me to be happy and if that is letting me go then he would do that. The whole 7 day cruise we were able to have sex 1 time from start to finish. He attempted another time and used the terminology that he was having a “malfunction”. I don’t know if anyone knows what it is like to be all hot and ready, mind you he woke me up and then BOOM nothing takes place it’s very frustrating and seems to be the story of my life. Even though I told him on Monday that I wanted an annulment we still had 5 more days left on the cruise and it wasn’t bad at all, we still shopped had fun and took pics but the connection was not there. I asked him was he attracted to me and he said Hell Yeah and that he wasn’t saying that because he had too. I’m no therapist but this is so hard for me to grasp and wrap my mind around. I never thought something so easy and simple could be so hard for a person. We had a conversation about why he hadn’t attempted and he said that he couldn’t take the pills spontaneously which I don’t know why we are on vacation we can do what the hell we want to do. Then his other excuse was I can’t take the pills if I’m drinking. So it’s a damn if you do and damn if you don’t type of scenario. And to be honest I really feel bad for him because I do love him and I think about his quality of life after me, will he ever get better? And will he be openly honest with the next woman.
Fast forward to getting home on Saturday, I went and checked the mail and all the Vm’s that we had. CVS called and I called them back. They told me that the insurance was not going to pay for his meds and that he needed to have the doc write up a form stating medically why he needs it, they also said that the insurance would only cover 6 pills every 34 days. I told that pharmacist that blue shield blue cross is really trying to **** my marriage up!!! 6 pills every 34 days WTF is that???. I get off the phone and I tell my husband and he was like Oh yeah they kept giving me the run around about how I need to have the doc do this form. He then said, they gave me enough samples for the trip though (but he didn’t use them like he could have). What really ****** me off is that HE KNEW THIS INFORMATION BEFORE THE TRIP AND DIDN’T SHARE IT WITH ME. It’s been 4mos and 18 days that I have been dealing with this issue and trying to be supportive, patient, but this is not the life I had in mind and I think it is best that we cut our losses NOW! I have made huge sacrifices I live across the country from my home, I have uprooted myself and my 8 yr old son from our home and now I am in a new state left empty as far as not having a husband anymore. But no freakin pity party over here I have to be strong for myself and my son. What hurts the most is what do I tell my son? He has no idea the turmoil that has been going on and in his world everything is great!! That right there really hurts my heart!!!!
I have called around to attorneys this morning and scheduled some appointments, I am really hoping that I can get an annulment but if not then divorce it is. Your thoughts appreciated 
InquiringMinds247 InquiringMinds247 26-30, F 14 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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Sorry to say but sound like he is not worried about the situation or doesn't care

Encourage your husband to try a penis pump for ED. Suggest that you do the pumping and tell him you want to film it. Excite him with the idea that you are watching an intimate thing. THEN, if nothing happens I'd wonder whether he has any interest at all in having sex.

judging by his reaction it would seem a relief that he will be rid of you. He has clearly shown that he is not intrested one iota in fixing this very real issue and has instead taken the stuff you approach.

I suggest you take the same stuff you approach to him as well.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Many have covered the same things i would have said.....it's only going to get worse if he has that attitude.
He has to want to have sex for the pills to work, so the problem is his attitude towards the situation.
It is a cruel thing to have to take a pill to do what you should be able to do on your own , but it's a fact that many men have to deal with, and many more will find themselves in this position.
When it comes to cost , in Australia, a 12 pack is $185. $85 after insurance .
Sometimes only half a pill is all they need.
This is not a huge cost when you consider all the money spent by women , on tampons etc over a lifetime ! What about getting our hair done, nails done, waxing , shaving,makeup, ,etc,etc in order to keep ourselves in good shape, not only for us but for our partners?
4 months and 18 days is still only early days in dealing with this , it can take time to adjust. The thing that matters is, he has to . I'm sure that he hates discussing this with anyone ( and there can be many causes , mental health being a big one )and i'm sure he would rather you never mention it.....well that was never going to be the case.
Whatever path you take , i wish you lots of luck.

It's as done as can be.

Only thing left to do is dismantle it.

Tread your own path.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've read your stories and I feel your pain. I have never really enjoyed sex with my husband. He's a great guy, but bed sucks. Hate to say that, but true. Sorry :( and best of luck.

Tell him what you want... Duh or he will love his whole life thinking he knows what he's doing.

Oh he knows. We have had many long conversations about it. It goes much deeper than that.

-----"He told me that “he didn’t want me to feel trapped or doomed” and that he wants me to be happy and if that is letting me go then he would do that."
Taking into context your back stories and this one - you made a mistake in marrying this man. It happens.You, however, can correct this.
Good to see that you are seeing a lawyer.
Do not ruminate about this any longer. He is dishonest.
Spend not one more moment of your precious sexuality or time on him. Cease all intimate interactions.
He is not appropriate husband material for you.

I think you're right and his response is almost that of a person who has either found someone else or is just interested in someone not like her. Doesn't mean you are not amazing it just means you are not meant for him.

I don't know what he is talking about. I have taken the little blue pill and drank. It is true they will only give you 6 pills At a time but have a few refills. There Re Lso other pills he can take that Re natural and get them from GNC that work great and sometimes better then the blue pill. So there has to be something going on with him

OK, listen up:

If the guy cannot "get it up", there are OTHER WAYS he could go about having sex with you.

If he's not willing to go to the doctor, not willing to be honest, not willing to pleasure you the myriad other ways we women can be pleasured, not willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you are happy -

THIS IS NOT ABOUT ED!!! This marriage failed because of dishonesty and selfishness (on his part).

Good for you for getting out quick. I am sorry about your child, but if you had stayed and become more and more depressed, for example, that would have harmed your child far worse than what is going to happen. If you need some help, why not seek out the advice of a child psychologist specializing in divorces? They may be able to help you figure out how best to break the news.

Thank you for your response, my mother is a Nurse in Mental Health and she said that she would ask one of her doctors what is the best way to explain to him. thanks again

You need to do what makes you happy. If you show your happy, your son will be happy! Good luck with everything!

wow...so sorry...don't know what else to say....

Good luck, he sounds like a dead beat for a lack of a better term. The honeymoon sounded so boring, but I guess you all probably lived together for a few years before you married

Any thoughts on how you tell an 8 yr old that Mommy is not going to be married to her husband anymore because _________(fill in the blank)

I would line up all the ducks, have a solid action plan in place, before saying anything to child.

Certainly they sense when things are off. And if he notices, you can *acknowledge* that you are preoccupied because you're thinking about some things (or something to that effect). They seem to want to make sure you're okay. My daughter notices, and keeps telling me that I need a hug. Pretty sweet.

because sometimes adults make mistakes. When we got married we thought we would be a good couple but as it turns out we are not. We are splitting up so everyone can be more happy and we know that you will be happier if mommy is not in a bad mood all of the time. It's going to be hard but we can all get through this together.

Can you tell I've been practicing this speech?

Because even though mommys's try really hard, sometimes we make mistakes and I now know that "husband" and I are better friends than we are husband and wife.

That is the best plan. Put this marriage out of its misery quickly and humanely before two people get hurt and long before any kids get involved (yes it manages to happen even in very long term sexless marriages).

I agree!