How The Sexless Think. (well At Least Some Of Them)I was talking to a married friend over the weekend, gossiping about celebrities and what not. She starts gushing about how a certain celeb guy "is so fine/rocking body/wants to touch him" and I jokingly said "look at you, willing to drop your panties for him if you ever saw him!"
She replied "Oh no. I just want to feel his muscles. I despise sex." My mouth flew open and I said "You DESPISE it? How is that possible? Are you telling me you don't have sex?" She went on to say nonchalantly that she and her husband hadn't had sex in 3 years.
Well you know how the rest of her explanation goes, I'm sure. Hadn't had sex since she got pregnant with her last daughter. Her husband tries often and she tells him it's disgusting and she never wants to do it again etc.
So I matter of fact told her that he would eventually leave her or cheat. And.... that he had every right.
Now THAT to her was shocking. Why does anyone "need" sex, she demanded. And that's when the conversation went downhill. I could see that she is just exactly like so many people I have read about/ learned about on here.
Now, my situation is a bit different - but this lady parroted things that I have read about some spouses on here, almost word for word. But I wanted to know something so before changing the subject I asked her: If your husband gave you an ultimatum, if he got to the point that he would leave if you didn't give him sex, would you be willing to seek therapy and put in the effort to change?
Her response was that she would "give in" just to get him to shut up but that she didn't really care if he was hurting over the lack of sex or not- because SHE hates it. End of story.
I wondered, if those of you in sexless marriages found out that your spouse spoke about you in such a way, would you stay? Because I got the feeling that a lot of Refusers have this mentality (judging from some of the stories). I felt awful for her husband that she would talk about him like he didn't matter and when I told her so she simply shrugged and said the kids were the most important thing, not sexual relationships.