I'M Too Young For This To Be Happening!I'm a 38 year old female, my husband is 39 and we have been married for 16 years. We have 2 children which keep us busy. My husband in the past 3 years has packed on over 150 lbs. He was always a big man, but always able to be active and we had an active sex life for the most part. Once he gained a lot of weight, his back went out and he has numerous problems because of his weight. And just so you know, hes not just chubby, its a full blown problem-to the point that he cannot clean himself properly, fit in normal chairs, breaks furniture, etc. Hes well over 425 pounds and only 5 foot 8. He's on the verge of death I feel. I hear him gasping for air just to walk from our bedroom to down the hall. It really makes me sad. I have had many talks with him about it but he just does something for awhile then makes excuses.
So the last 2 years we have realized that he has hidden or buried penis. This problemis when there is too much fat around the groin area. His penis is actually hidden inside,even when erect it isn't big enough to have intercourse wtih. Before this happened, the only position we could do was if I was on top and that wasn't fun at all. It was hard to get my legs on either side of him. So now whenever his penis gets hard, it pulls the skin and it becomes sore. He has a foreskin now that doesn't retract and is stuck around the head of his penis-kind of like an innertube of skin. Sorry to be so graphic, but this is our life.
So weight loss surgery isnt an option because our insurance doesn't cover it. Our marriage is starting to break down because of the weight issues. I simply cannot be around someone who cannot take care of himself. He smells and cannot clean himself. I have to do all his laundry and they are usually smelling like pee or feces because he simply cannot do these things. I've told him I cannot live life like this. I feel like I am in my sexual prime and I want a hot sex life. But then I don't know if I even want to have sex with him-its a major turn off when your husband smells constantly. He cannot pee properly either and gets pee all over his pants and sometimes smells like a bum. Its disgusting!!!!!!
So my situation is this. I have been a stay at home mom for the most part for the last 10 years. I really cannot just up and leave him, as I have no source of income. I love him still, but just am not happy anymore. He is grouchy and mean-doesn't want to do much and complains a lot. He's happy playing the xbox, eating, and watching tv. Doesn't want to do anything we used to. Doesn't go to church with us anymore, doesn't want to go to movies or family outings. He's depressed and really doesn't want to admit it. I would be depressed to if I were him. He's been trying to eat better,but even losing weight will not cure this problem. The penis issue would more than likely have to be surgically fixed. We joined a gym, but he has broken all promises to even go more than 5 times in the last 2 weeks. He has not stepped foot in, and I signed a contract for both of us. He just isn't reliable.
I have had fantasies about having an EMA. Which really scares me to even think about. I don't want to hurt him, but I have needs that are not being met. It makes me so sad that I am a married woman and my only outlet for sexual release is to **********. I miss being with my husband in this way, but I am so mad at him for letting himself go to this point. He's embarrassing to go out with and I am self conscious of being around him. I am worried he will break a chair, if we go out we have to make sure there is a chair and not a booth (too big for booth), and he gets many looks for people. Watching him get out of a chair or the sofa is painful . He is going to be 40 this year, and I dont think he will see 50 at all. Our kids need him; I need him. I am sad and lonely and just need some support. Thank you for listening to me.