I Was Sure.. But Now?If you've read my other stories you know I've told my husband of five years I wanted a divorce. He does not. We still live together and most of the time get along well. We do almost everything together. And I know I would really miss him if I do leave. Even though sometimes he can be a jerk and he has a hard time of ever taking anything seriously, I do love him as a freind.
Since I've told him he does seem like hes trying. He has been nicer and has initiated sex a few times. He never does so that is an improvement and he has been overall more affectionante. These very small changes do make me wonder if I still should leave.
I know I may sound like a flake but I'm very realistic. I could get a divorce and lose a very good friend whom I do love. I would also lose two of my cats. I know their just cats but we dont have kids so I love them as if they were part of my family. I would also have no family within hundreds of miles. If my husband and I divorced my closest family member would be 15 hours away (driving). I also do love being a wife and I like most of our life together.
On the other hand though I know if I stay I will be missing that part of my life. Though my husband does seem like hes trying something is missing. We dont kiss or really touch anymore. Even when we have sex we dont kiss. Also when we do have sex there is no connection. Even if he initiates it feels like he just wants to get it over with. He just gets up after, there is no holding each other or never any 'seconds'.
Some days I'm very sure I want to leave and other I'm sure I should stay. I see the benefits of both and I'm really not sure what to do.