We Had The Talk Last Nightso he has been getting progressively more snippy and snarky in recent weeks. i just couldn't handle the seething atmosphere & how it's been affecting not only me, but our daughter.
so, sent her (upstairs) to her room to play video games. (a big treat) so we could talk.
told him he needs to get an atty. he gave me shocked face " why?"
i opened with the debt clusterf!ck and he responded he told me its his responsibility he'll take care of it. told him i brought it up to you over 2 months ago & your response has been variations on its none of my business and you'll take care of it. you don't GET that this was a huge betrayal. something that's been going on for years not a one time thing. it's a pattern. add in the HUGE tax refund from 2 yrs ago you *actively* lied to me about. you have destroyed all trust in you. (Etc)
he responded explaining investments, " net we are ahead" but then because *i* forced him into "fire sale mode" by freezing both loans "without discussing" with him first, he was "forced" to accept "big losses"--all "me" language. pointed this out to him. he modifies his language yet continues in same vein.
i tell him it's not only this, this was just the straw that broke the camel's back, i've been miserable for years. you've known it. you've done nothing about any of it. it took me telling you i want a divorce back in October for you to even consider doing anything about our sexlessness and then it was to get a presc
there have been many other fights in the past few years and the things you've said to me and your actions scream a lot louder than your words do. this is not a marriage it's not even a partnership. you make all the decisions. you call them "ours." you call *your* dreams for the future "ours."
when have you ever asked me what i want? when have you ever asked me my dreams for the future?
you get the drift.
he promised the sun the moon and the stars. he'll change. he'll go for therapy. he'll put all decisions in my hands. he'll give me his pay and i can pay all the bills make the $$ decisions etc. please give him another chance. give him a chance to make it up to me. whatever i want.
i told him several times my decision is already made, have already filed with the court, etc. he still wants me to reconsider.
i told him it doesn't mean i don't still love him, we can still be friends we will always be in each other's lives, etc.
he's still asking me to reconsider and "please don't do this to us." he said he was sorry more last night in the space of a one hour talk than he has in 11 years. when pointed out he said he'll say sorry more too.
it was rough in a completely different way than i had anticipated.
and likely to get rougher since i am just...done. it shouldn't take me hiring a lawyer to get him to wake up. and frankly i just don't see either one of us being happy should i give in, give him another chance. he just doesn't see that living in front of the tv or computer, and living vicariously through our daughter (other than the once a month or so, generously speaking, that we get together with friends) is just wrong on so many levels. not only for me, but for him, too. yet--he's content to live his life that way, with me as his pretty accessory.
i am more than an accessory.
any suggestions on follow up conversation (a gentle yet firm it ain't going to work) appreciated.