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Completely Alone

It's been a very emotional day. I have no idea why... could be that I spend so much time alone. I feel so alone... In spite of the cherubs I work with every day, who bring me so much joy, love and fulfillment, I feel so worthless and unimportant today. I'm not so out of it that I believe it... I just am having a pity party I guess. 
My kids are nearly grown and gone the only time I see them or hear from them is when they need something. Husband, I am completely disconnected from. I"m angry that he still doesn't care enough about me to do anything I ask from him. He can go from Sunday to Saturday...not hear from me and not care. These people are the only real family I have here... and today, I feel as though I sincerely don't matter to anyone. 
I just need to matter  to someone! Really matter. I need someone to call me and ask me about my day... someone to sit and talk about how I feel or what they have planned for tomorrow. 
I know this probably isn't the right place to post this rambling... but I know if he would treat me as though I matter... I wouldn't feel like this. 
I'm really really tired of this feeling. 
ExistsinHOPE ExistsinHOPE 51-55, F 9 Responses Jan 30, 2013

Your Response


I know how you feel. I feel so alone all the time, when I am home. My husbandd does not want me to go anywhere but we'll be in the same house and he'll not say one word to me, but when my sons want to come over or take us out to dinner he'll refuse because it's to late or he's in pain. I want my kids to come take me anyway, but they won't. I know how you feel but stay strong

While I have not been in your situation I can very easily understand it. While you never mentioned anything about your sex life; or what it may have become compared to what it was. I do hope that things work out for you and you find someone who will be your friend and will call you regularly just to talk and make sure that you're doing okay.

EIH, i like the idea of doing something for you. example: i joined a gym that costs $10 a month. why? i have all the eqpt and such at home. because: once per week, while my lil darling is at a lesson, i spend some time sweating with like minded people. try different machines, work my muscles in different ways. it's a little slice of what my life *used* to be like. and it costs a max of $2.50 per week.

in your case, you have a gym membership. seek a good group class in something that piques your interest. yoga? zumba? if you focus on cardio & avoid weights, maybe a class that incorporates weights/resistance training?

there's something about the energy of a group of people working together in harmony on their bodies that feeds the soul. if you haven't already tried it i heartily recommend it.

This feeling is no fun at all, yet, it is a good sign that you are progressing.

It has hit home that there is no "we" happening in your marriage, and there is only "you" who is going to have to drive this to resolvement.

Truths are not alway pleasant, but acted upon, they are extra-ordinarily useful.

Tread your own path.

Feeling really *alone* in my home is part of the reason I ended up on EP, and am taking steps to end that feeling. Make a plan to make your life better for you, even if it's just going to yoga or tea and reading a book in a coffee shop.

I like the idea of reading in a coffee shop... might be on my agenda tomorrow.

I'm going to hold you to that! I expect you to check in tomorrow to report that you did something for yourself. :)

You sound very depressed. Are you seekling treatment for that? I encourage you to see your doctor, and to consider both medication and individual counselling to assist you to manage this depression.

After checking out your previous stories (to refresh my memory) I recall that your unhappy marriage to a difficult man is of long standing. You also have a daughter with high needs. It is very likely that your depression is limiting your ability to address any of your issues in pro-active ways. So, please please seek HELP for that first. Your other issues can be tackled much more effectively once you have dealt with that. {{{hugs}}}

Have been seeing a therapist for a couple of years now. Tried meds... I've determined that depression is situational and not chemical... drugs only cover up issues.

One of the lessons I learned is that I need to matter to me in order for others to feel that way. The thing is, being in a sexless marriage where you relegate your wants and needs enables you to be overlooked. Just something to think about. Take care.

pity parties are never fun to attend. Are you able to get out tonight, go see a movie, art gallery, live music, bookstore with a coffee shop? In short, do something even if you don't feel like it, and shake that pity off.

I'm really sorry,what a hard thing to deal with,ppl do care,keep posting and sharing ur feelings,it helps