We Stay For The Kids...The following is a "collaborative post". One of my new friends and fellow ILIASM compatriots had an offline - well online but off forum discussion. It deals with a topic that many of us have considered and perhaps encountered or are living right now. The issue is kids in an ILIASM relationship. MR suggested that we should post the string for the benefit of the community. So here you go -
MoonRiver73 Jan 30, 2013 10:38 PM
I don't know if you have experienced this feeling...
Whenever I see my son and my husband playing together, hearing their happy laughters, looking at their smiling faces... the wanting to leave is weakened. My heart is torn apart...
boater12 Jan 31, 2013 7:17 AM
Unfortunately, I have probably some very bad news for you. Your situation is very much like mine. Married, one child - a boy. He is now 20. He is the absolute light and love of my life. Your desc
Now the bad news. That relationship allowed me to overlook all of the foundation issues with my wife. Of course you know what happens - kids grow up. By the time high school comes around, their interest in mom and dad begins to wane - to say the least. Once they start driving, off to college - all of those "little" things like love and passion and intimacy that have been missing - they hit you square in the face and you realize you have nothing.
Now the really bad news - my son has no appreciation of what a loving couple is. This scares the hell out of me. My wife and I do not argue much but there is no closeness - no evidence of why two people opt to spend their lives together. What he sees in my marriage is the bad without the good.
So I try to counsel my son now. Explain the importance of love, what a relationship is supposed to be about - someone you can share everything with - dreams, fears, desires, fantasies - all without judgement; someone that is there to support you, hold you, be there to celebrate with you, or mourn with you. I try to explain the importance of finding someone sexually compatible - someone that you sync up with sexually. Someone that has "fun" with sex. Whether making love, or just the occasion wild, spontaneous ....
Imagine the challenge in having these kinds of discussions with my son - trying to explain what he has never seen.
So my caution to you - what you see and enjoy today, will pass very quickly, (far too quickly). Think of the boy/man that you are prepping to enter the world in a few short years - how will he look at a relationship between a man and a woman.
It's 8am here - this is way to deep a topic at this hour. But you brought it up:)
MoonRiver73 Jan 31, 2013 7:49 AM
I think we should post our exchanged messages as another story on ILIASM. It can help lots of people in similar situation like ours. What do you think? :))
boater12 51-55, M 19 Responses 7 Jan 31, 2013