I Live In a Sexless Marriage
I've been married for 36 years now and to avoid a great deal of writing about details over the years I will try to keep it short.
There was no sex on our honeymoon night. Prior to that I got the impression that my wife was insatiable when it came to sex. However, the words "I do" seems to have changed things. For the next twelve years we had sex only once a month. Not from my lack of trying. Yes, I spent many nights a week making the attempt. Nothing. So, after that I just kind of stopped trying so hard. She never even noticed or atleast never let on that she noticed.
The last time we had sex, while I forget the actual date, I do remember that she acted like she was just going through the motions; not enjoying it at all. I guess, for me, that was the last straw. Since that time we have not had sex. It's been over three years now. In that time She has only made two, maybe three comments.
These were not attempts on her part to instigate sex but a comment like "You haven't had a use for this hole in over a year." That was the first time, and the most overt comment. The other comment was much less overt and the possible last one, if it was one, was so subtl that I'm not even sure it was a comment.
The long and short of this is that I don't believe she want's to talk about it because she doesn't want me to point out the reason we don't have sex any more is because I finally learned how to take "No" for an answer and as we are all aware "No means NO" so don't ask again. Since "no means no" most often when women say it and God forbid that a man would ever say "No"; after all we men are all sex fiends who just can't get enough. So what that means is that women should never have to initiate; that's the mans job. All the woman has to do is agree, or disagree. In a world where all men will take No for an answer there is an assumption that later, the next day or the next week he will eventually ask again. He can't help himself because he is driven only by his sex drive. Then she gets to make another decision to have sex or not. Her choice, not his.
Well what happens when he doesn't ask anymore? Does she initiate? No, She wasn't raised or trained to take the iniative; quite the opposite. So now, nothing happens. Without doubt I believe she, and perhaps many women, would say that it's still my fault.
So what do I do? Do I try again? Even after three years? There doesn't appear to be anything else wrong with our relationship. We have no intention of divorceing. No word has ever been said about going to counseling since there has only been two confirmed instances in three years about any kind of a complaint. So, do I just let it go or do I start abiding by the "rules" and start initiating again; with the understanding that she may not be interested and I will have to try and try until she is?
There was no sex on our honeymoon night. Prior to that I got the impression that my wife was insatiable when it came to sex. However, the words "I do" seems to have changed things. For the next twelve years we had sex only once a month. Not from my lack of trying. Yes, I spent many nights a week making the attempt. Nothing. So, after that I just kind of stopped trying so hard. She never even noticed or atleast never let on that she noticed.
The last time we had sex, while I forget the actual date, I do remember that she acted like she was just going through the motions; not enjoying it at all. I guess, for me, that was the last straw. Since that time we have not had sex. It's been over three years now. In that time She has only made two, maybe three comments.
These were not attempts on her part to instigate sex but a comment like "You haven't had a use for this hole in over a year." That was the first time, and the most overt comment. The other comment was much less overt and the possible last one, if it was one, was so subtl that I'm not even sure it was a comment.
The long and short of this is that I don't believe she want's to talk about it because she doesn't want me to point out the reason we don't have sex any more is because I finally learned how to take "No" for an answer and as we are all aware "No means NO" so don't ask again. Since "no means no" most often when women say it and God forbid that a man would ever say "No"; after all we men are all sex fiends who just can't get enough. So what that means is that women should never have to initiate; that's the mans job. All the woman has to do is agree, or disagree. In a world where all men will take No for an answer there is an assumption that later, the next day or the next week he will eventually ask again. He can't help himself because he is driven only by his sex drive. Then she gets to make another decision to have sex or not. Her choice, not his.
Well what happens when he doesn't ask anymore? Does she initiate? No, She wasn't raised or trained to take the iniative; quite the opposite. So now, nothing happens. Without doubt I believe she, and perhaps many women, would say that it's still my fault.
So what do I do? Do I try again? Even after three years? There doesn't appear to be anything else wrong with our relationship. We have no intention of divorceing. No word has ever been said about going to counseling since there has only been two confirmed instances in three years about any kind of a complaint. So, do I just let it go or do I start abiding by the "rules" and start initiating again; with the understanding that she may not be interested and I will have to try and try until she is?
By:
Kilroy69
Age:
51-55
