The Revelations Just Keep Coming

Well, I'm on my very brief vacation to see a dear friend. I've been ruminating on where I am and where I want to be pretty much nonstop since a few weeks prior to first finding ILIASM. It's been a long time getting here, but now, the emotional revelations just keep tumbling in. My purpose for this trip has largely been to figure out whether I'm really out or not. I expected to need lots of discussion with my friend to figure it all out. Well, just the car ride was enough. I'm done.

I've been focusing over the past weeks on the practical side of separating--probably as a way to not look directly at the emotional side. But things I feel I now know without a doubt: I don't love him. I won't stay. And, regardless of the practical side issues, I don't care--I'm out.

I do feel stuck in a spinning room, though. The journey of the past .... month? two months? I can't even discern the time that has passed... has been dizzying. I need to find myself again, and of course, a lawyer.

I'm taking this with a grain of salt to be sure, but the Universe pulled a fast one on me today. So, there's this certain someone who I've crossed paths with twice, and we were each speeding off in different directions, and nothing but a "hey.. it's You!" moment came of either instance. I've tried, out of curiosity to look him up a few times online--nothing, nada, couldn't be found. Today, got to my hotel, entered his name into Facebook for kicks, and well, WTF, he's the first one in the results window. I'm wary of fixating in any way, but seriously, Universe, what's that about?
liltree liltree
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 1, 2013

Great that your revelations do not have the kind of problem that your spouse has!


Personally, the only way I can make sense of coincidences like that (and I have them too), is to give up trying to rationalize them, and accept that the gods/universe/machine have a sense of humour.

Oh I agree. I also see it as the universe dangling a bit of a carrot--reminding me to keep considering the alternatives.

A break away from the toxic atmosphere does wonders to help clear your thinking.

Here you are after a couple of days, seeing things with a fair bit more clarity.

Imagine the potential improvement in your thinking / outlook / enjoyment of life generally if you were OUT of the toxic situation, rather than just on a break from it.

Tread your own path.