Seeing A Lawyer - Why Is It So Hard?So one story a couple days ago elicited a lot of responses of "bring this to your lawyer" "have you seen a lawyer yet?" "go contact your lawyer".
And now I am wondering just WHY is it SO DAMN HARD for me to go get a lawyer in this case? There's gonna be some "free-flow" thinking below as I try to work out why I have a million excuses and no great urge to do MORE lawyering at this time.
Yes, baz, you are 100% right: I should see a lawyer. Something in my head is stopping me. I have no idea how to make this a priority. Somehow I can't seem to do it.
There's a myriad of things I think I should do BEFORE the lawyer. There's the fact I have been screwed over by a lawyer recently, in terms of my patent. There's the knowledge that it may cost wayyyyy too much money for someone who has been out of work since 2010. But there's more personal issues I think....
First of all, I have done the initial lawyer consult (for free), to understand my rights in a general sense and what the laws in our jurisdiction are. We have a legal separation agreement, albeit downloaded from a lawyer's website and signed by friends, rather than a lawyer; overseen by the lawyer on the website (small fee). Of course everything paid by me.
There's the fact that everything in our marriage was implicit on the understanding that we don't go blabbing about our issues; in the end I realize this screwed me over. It's a holdover from childhood for me; abusive mother, you're either with her or against her and the worst thing you can do is tell someone else your mother's faults. Damn I married my own mother. Because my EX, he would die of shame before he'd let anyone in "his" ba
Yet somehow I have this feeling that if I break the faith and go to a lawyer, he'll (ex) have GREATER control over me. i am still somehow feeling that the best path is to keep silent and cross fingers and push ahead. That somehow, asking for TOO MUCH is something I'll regret. Asking FOR MYSELF to have help, a clean house, custody of the kids, child support - I'll pay dearly if I try. Holdover from childhood?
I am feeling that there's no point even going there until the contract with the European university is inked, and I haven't even heard from them yet. What if I fail to get a position, fail to get a job; what if it was me that needed to rely on the EX's grace, how would I like to be treated?
I kind of feel that taking the kids overseas and away from him is a huge sin on my part. But I want a FUTURE. I WANT to be known as "Dr. Z" and have respect, and money coming in, and I want my kids to have the best of everything they can, and I KNOW the EX has nothing, and even when he had something, he wasn't sharing (it all goes to hoarding and Starbucks lattes for himself). I worked really hard at my invention, which I have spent $50K on, which has not taken off (I've got a patent, it's actually really useful and could make millions, but I am tired... and stuck... )... I want SOMETHING to work out!!!!
WHY am I trying everything EXCEPT just asking legally for what I know should be mine? Am I blind somehow? HE cannot take care of himself, much less the kids - I've been covering for him for ever.
Is it some secret that I've been covering for him that I don't want to come out and be the laughing stock?
Do I still love him enough that I don't want to hurt him? Is it my kids I don't want to see dragged down?
Am I too stingy with money to pay more fees that I am worried will balloon out of control?
I am terrified, to be honest, if I think of it. I have a small government stipend while I do retraining until April, then I have zero money coming in after that. I have to spend money to get wherever we will end up - repairing the house, moving expenses, etc. I have no plan other than to go to Europe if possible, and even that terrifies me.
I have been taken for a long, long 12 year ride by my ex, I used to make more than $65K/year and I have a Master's degree and I've saved every penny in this marriage and I'm a year away from broke and homeless.
I don't have another emotional fight in me.
I know I was raised extremely superstitious, you never ask for anything for yourself, you never ask for what you want, it'll be taken from you. Where the he*11 does that come from? I need these demons exorcised.
I am so scared.
zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 12 Responses 0 Feb 3, 2013