And The Same Old Song... We'Re Playing It AgainI met my husband when I was 18. He was the first serious long term relationship I had ever had. We were instantly best friends. Within a month of meeting, we were a couple. He let me know at the beginning of our courtship that he believed in abstinence until marriage. I had never had sex. Personally, I always felt having sex before being married seemed like a logical idea so that you could make sure that you were compatible intimately before being legally bound to one another. In hind sight, I wish I'd stuck with my guns, but as his abstinence was a faith ba
It took 8 years for him to ask me to marry him. That 8 years was filled with a lot of joy and love, but was also filled with a lot of frustration. We both knew and expressed within the first year that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. When I'd ask him when's this going to happen, he'd always put other goals in front of it. "I want to finish college first." "I want to buy a house first." "I want to just live together for awhile."
Yes, I lived with him for two years before we were married. Sleeping in the same bed. Without sex. I should have seen it back then, but I thought I was respecting his beliefs by being a roommate that keeps to her side of the bed.
Finally, the day came that he popped the question, and I said yes. A year later, we were married. Our wedding day was wonderful, beautiful, and perfect. Our wedding night was a different story. We stayed in a hotel for our honeymoon. On our wedding night, he felt a head cold coming on. I told him I didn't care, but he didn't feel well and didn't want to try. Day two, same story, only the head cold was fully in gear. He was obviously not well by then and I didn't push that night. Day three, I started catching the head cold and told him at that point we might as well go for it because it's not like not having sex was going to make me any better.
We tried. He couldn't perform.
He couldn't perform the next night, the next week, the next month, or the next year.
Right now, we're gaining on 14 years of being in a relationship and almost 5 years of marriage. I'm in my 30's and I've never had sex with my husband or any other man. I love him so much. Our relationship is great on so many other levels, but on this one, the only way I've gotten through it is with the help of double A batteries. The only argument we ever have is the one where I'm so frustrated by our lack of intimacy that I break down in tears and explain to him yet again how not right this is. He says he knows. He says he loves me. He says he's going to change.